October and the Leaves are Falling.

Ebola: Here are some ways you can protect yourself against this deadly disease.

Boil all bodily fluids before consumption.

Regularly examine your DNA under an electron microscope for any indication that Ebola has attached itself to your cell membranes.

Recognize the symptoms of Ebola, which include fever, chills, and developing symptoms too late to do anything about them.

Cover the nose and mouth of Ebola patients when they sneeze to avoid spreading germs.

Avoid eating bat soup, which is actually pretty sound advice whether there’s an ongoing Ebola outbreak or not.

Ebola can only be spread once patients are symptomatic, so if you believe you’ve been exposed, get all your errands and public trips out of the way before your symptoms start showing.

Be sure to stay up to date on developments by signing up for the official CDC phone tree.

Try being born one of the 15 percent of rural Gabonese citizens with natural immunity to the virus.

Give billions of dollars to pharmaceutical companies.

If you see a suspicious-looking filamentous virus particle roughly one micron in length, stay away.

Continue following lifelong plan of avoiding Dallas, TX at all costs.

She said. "Counting my coins."

He heard. Cramps in my colon.

She said. "I'm trying to win coffee for a year."

He heard. I'm trying to win caulking for a year.

She said. "Every place we are until 8 to 6."
He heard. Every place we are until April 6th.

Despite spending as many as 80 hours a week at the office, local father Michael Henderson told reporters Thursday that, given his son’s lack of ambition and general mediocrity, he has only missed one or two accomplishments in the unimpressive child’s life. 

“Sure, I’ve been working pretty much nonstop for the past 18 years, but the only major achievements I wasn’t there for were Spencer’s high school graduation and one theater performance—but he only helped paint the sets for that; it’s not like he was even on stage,” said Henderson, adding that he had no qualms about not being around to see his son frequently sitting around on the couch watching television. 

“I went on a lot of business trips, and worked late nights and on weekends and holidays, but it never really prevented me from witnessing any special moments, as Spencer dropped out of Cub Scouts pretty early, quit the track team after one meet, and never made the honor roll or received a single award. I realize that I haven’t always been there for him, but he hasn’t exactly given me much to regret either.” 

At press time, Henderson told reporters that although his job continues to require long workdays and offers few opportunities for vacations, he doubts he will miss any significant accomplishments in the next 18 years of his son’s life.

Sparky has gum disease. 

Over the years he's been on antibiotics a few times and had dental surgery once. A few weeks ago he started drooling shaking his head and spraying saliva on the front window. 

He didn't smell so wonderful.

People who don't live with felines will never know the joys of taking the cat to the vet.

No matter what I said to Sparky last Friday morning he did not want to go.

"Hey buddy, it's for your own good. You need to have the teeth pulled and you will feel so much better."

I've lived with cats for years and one mystery I will never solve is how they know they're about to get stuffed in a small cage.

We made the appointment a week ago. We planned the morning as carefully as the Normandy invasion. Just before bed Thursday night we went over the procedure.

"You get the carrier ready and close all the bedroom doors while I get him secured." I told Wanda for the tenth time. 

"I'll grab him by the scruff of the neck while you bring the carrier in the living room with the door up and open. I'll put him in feet first."

I pet and talk to Sparky every morning. As I approached on D-Day he jumped off his window perch ran under the couch and folded himself in half. As I reached for him he began to make sounds that shamed Linda Blair in the "Exorcist." 

I was convinced my cat had been possessed by the devil.

It's now confirmed, Sparky has eyes in back of his head and the ability to splay his back legs and double his size at will. After several tries and sheer determination Wanda and I were able to get him in his carrier.

I have three wounds on my hands. The vet received a urine soaked cat and in spite of himself Sparky is fully recovered.

People who don't live with felines will never know the joy of waking up with a half eaten mouse in their bed or a set of beaks and claws on the door-step.

Our three, Dakota, Sparky and Steve are indoor cats. Dakota is half deaf, partially blind and too old to be bothered chasing small furry or feathered critters. Sparky is too lazy. But Steve, he is another story. Steve is a hunter, a gatherer and a fierce predator. 

I've seen Steve crouch for hours in front of the small opening in the corner of the garage just waiting for the chance to pounce on an intruder. 

And he always shares his prize and conquest.