When I was a Kid I had ADD...I was Bored.

Just prior to our grandson's eighteenth birthday Wanda and I asked him to house sit. We would be gone a week. And rather than our usual 'twice-a-day' Cat Feeder Barbara we wanted someone at the house with Dakota, Steve and Sparky. Nick did an excellent job last year and he stayed again for a week last March.

He also stayed at the house when we went to Nevada City.

Now that we have a new grandchild I've been wondering if I've been a good grandfather to Nicholas. We only went to one baseball game, he never seemed much interested in the sport. His Grandma Wanda and I took him to a lot of movies when he was growing up. They were almost always animated and we enjoyed them as much as he did. Once a week for his first few years I changed his diapers and watched Sesame Street and Mister Rogers with him. When he was eight Wanda and I watched him for a week and I read "Artemis Fowl" with him at bedtime.

I felt his parents should discuss matters of importance with him. He knew I was always around if he had any questions or concerns. I like to keep my opinions and suggestions to a minimum and don't share them often. Last Sunday was Father's Day and because it's so special I decided to impart some wisdom and advice on Grandson Nick. 

With a little ahem I coughed and tapped on the glassware with my spoon. 

"Never do anything that can put you in the position of having to take showers with a group of strange men."

No, I didn't pontificate on the importance of a college education, saving money, treating women with respect or giving back to the community. I didn't suggest he refrain from law breaking because it's wrong. I described the pain and degradation of being a shower toy.

I also told him laws of thermodynamics state a pot full of pasta and water will eventually boil over. 

The morning we returned from Nevada City Nick went out for breakfast, no wonder, look at the stove. He was planning to clean up the kitchen later. In all fairness to him, he didn't have the chance. Wanda and I got home very early.

I told him I was docking him $20 on his next job to make up for cleaning the stove and suggested he keep a better eye on his cooking, he said, "But I had a lid on it."

I told him the laws of thermodynamics state a pot full of pasta and water will eventually boil over. Even with a lid, unless it's a pressure cooker which would probably explode.

Maybe my friend Marilyn was right when she said, "Most men can't find their way around a kitchen with a map and a GPS."

I have Mother Dorothy's terrible cooking to thank for my culinary skills. She couldn't concoct a decent grilled cheese sandwich. I learned to cook on my own. I talked to older friend's, read books and watched Julia Child and The Galloping Gourmet. 

How to prepare and make food edible is valuable knowledge. I was visiting my brother and he made a tuna salad. He opened a can of tuna and dumped it on a lettuce leaf. He didn't even know enough to drain it.

A Seattle man is in custody after allegedly ingesting a drug cocktail and going on a rampage. While the unidentified man was going wild, his pants were nowhere to be found.

According to a police report, a man in his 30s wearing only a t-shirt was seen throwing rocks at cars, and officers were called to investigate.

When police arrived on the scene, the man took off running and got rid of his shirt in the process.

Officers eventually caught up with the completely naked man and took him into custody. "I could feel his heart racing just while I was holding his arm to brace him. That may have been the drugs or my animal magnetism," said Officer Reynolds. "He was naked and had no pockets. It was the easiest search I've even done. Nothing like that douche-bag in Colorado with the gun in his butt."

The man said he had taken cocaine and methamphetamine, LSD and other drugs. Officers had difficulty identifying the man because he "was unable to provide police with his real name or home address."

"What was the question?" He was lucky he could make sounds at all.

An Illinois mother has filed a lawsuit in order to prevent a school from expelling her 15-year-old son for trading his attention deficit disorder medication to another student in exchange for bags of Cheez-Its and cash.

The suit contends that the Illinois Mathematics and Science Academy illegally expelled the boy because the conduct he displayed during the transaction was "likely a manifestation of his disability."

The school nurse was well aware of the boy's condition because that individual was responsible for dispensing the boy's medication.

Although the boy "admitted that he received several bags of chips/Cheez-its and/or $3.00 payments" for the ADD medication, he said the reason he made the sale was to "to help his fellow student do better in school, for world peace and because I just love those Cheez-its."

The lawsuit is seeking a restraining order and injunction preventing the school from expelling the boy due to his disability. If anyone figures this one out drop me a note.

In El Cajon, Ca. three masked suspects robbed Hiram's Guns and Spirits using a fake gun. I must repeat that....Three masked suspects robbed Hiram's Guns and Spirits using a fake gun. 

Armed with a replica handgun, one of the suspects held the store owner at gunpoint while the other two smashed cases and grabbed real guns. They fled in a red sedan before they were caught by police shortly after.

The driver, Mykeon D. Menefee, 20, and two juveniles were charged with armed robbery.

Robert Foster, a witness to the incident, said the shop owner was "shaken up" but no injuries were reported. "I never thought it would happen to this shop right here because it's been here for a while," said Foster. "The new gun stores down the block and around the corner, they get robbed all the friggin time."

A gun store robbed with a fake gun is scary and funny, maybe even ironic. A gun store that sells spirits is moronic and idiotic.