I Should Decide Where They Go

Just last Saturday I bought a package of Merona underpants and now I see these.

The Norwegian manufacturers of Comfyballs underwear said the U.S. patent office told them the brand name is too "vulgar" to trademark.

Company founder Anders Selvig said officials filed an application with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office earlier this year with an aim toward bringing the products to the North American market, but the office's reply said the name was too "vulgar" to trademark.

When used in this way, the word 'balls' has an offensive meaning," the office said in its reply to Comfyballs.

The ruling came after lobbying against the brand by One Million Moms, a wing of the American Family Association aimed at fighting "indecency."

Ben & Jerry's Saturday Night Live-inspired ice cream flavor "Schweddy Balls" was similarly denied a trademark by the patent office after protests from the group.

Selvig called on the patent office to review its guidelines.

The trademarks 'Nice Balls' and 'I love my balls' have recently both been approved by the USPTO.

Europeans have a softer view on what is deemed to be vulgar and the [European Union] allowed Comfyballs to trademark without hassle earlier this year.

Comfyballs is named for its "PackageFront technology," which the company says creates "ultimate comfort by reducing heat transfer and restricting movement."

And while I'm on the subject of restricting movement, here is some information directly from the mothers.

Mom, are you fed up with the filth many segments of our society, especially the entertainment media, are throwing at our children? Are you tired of all the negative influences our children are forced to contend with? If so, we urge you to become a member of OneMillionMoms.com.

OneMillionMoms.com was begun to give moms an impact with the decision-makers and let them know we are upset with the messages they are sending our children and the values (or lack of them) they are pushing.

Our goal is to stop the exploitation of our children, especially by the entertainment media (TV, music, movies, etc.). Mom, OneMillionMoms.com is the most powerful tool you have to stand against the immorality, violence, vulgarity and profanity the entertainment media is throwing at your children. It is time to fight back!

We are searching for one million moms who are willing to join the fight for our children. We want our children to have the best chance possible of living in a moral society.

As a member of a group of one million moms all fighting together, your voice can have a powerful impact. Money is the name of the game for those who exploit, and they are exploiting our children for their financial gain. Just imagine the influence you can have by joining with one million other moms! That represents economic power! When one million moms speak as a unified voice, letting it be known that we will fight with our dollars, YOUR VOICE WILL BE HEARD!

There is no charge to join. And, despite our name, our membership is open to all. Singles are welcome! As a member, you agree to participate in at least one project a week.

YOUR NAME, ADDRESS OR E-MAIL ADDRESS WILL NOT BE SOLD, RENTED OR GIVEN AWAY.

OneMillionMoms.com will, with input from our members, select a target and prepare an email. You can reword our letter to make it your own, or send it as is. We provide all the information you need to be heard. And we make it easy for you to be heard!

Mom, it is time to take a stand for your children! Join OneMillionMoms.com today! Help us recruit others who share our concern and are willing to get involved in the fight for the future of their children. Think of the influence we can have and all we can accomplish by banding together! Email information about OneMillionMoms.com to all your friends!

It's fine to watch a national broadcast of Victoria's Secret underwear but I have a women's organization dictating where I put my balls.

This is a current moms campaign:

Verizon has a new commercial where the whole ad is based on the slogan "half-fast" Internet. This double entendre is repeated over and over again.

The entire commercials dialogue has various people, mostly families, including a mother in front of her child, saying half-fast instead of half-a$$ed.

Verizon should be more responsible in their marketing decisions. Let them know that as a parent and a consumer you are offended that they care more about their financial gain than what impression they are making on our children. Verizon executives apparently don't care about what children hear as long as it puts money in their pockets. Everyone knows kids repeat what they see and hear. This is weak marketing, and Verizon should have the corporate responsibility to not use an age old euphemism that offends families.

Take Action.

I take action. I turn off the channel.

The moms take credit for the cancellation of 666 Park Avenue an ABC show a few years ago.

One Million Moms, a Christian activist group known for trying to mobilize conservative women in protest against various media outlets, made 666 Park Avenue a target of its protestation. The organization, having taken exception to the shows use of the mark of the devil and believing that exposure to it was inappropriate, prompted its members to e-mail the sponsors of the network urging them to withdraw revenue from the show.

Did the moms miss the mark? 

Was the program cancelled because of poor ratings? Half way through the season 666 Park Avenue was ranked 71, one behind America's Funniest Home Videos, however, it was slightly more popular than a program still on the air, a program that doesn't just use the mark of the devil but takes place in his house, Hell's Kitchen.

Who am I to criticize? 

I haven't taken a stand on anything since the Viet Nam War. 

Every holiday season I buy food for the hungry. I donate to animals, PBS and Wikipedia. I know there is power in masses and people banding together can accomplish great things. But with immeasurable problems in the world I can't help but think all the energy used to combat words like ass and balls might be better spent elsewhere.