Steve and Sparky Know the Importance of Family

It's nice to have someone cover your back...and help keep it warm.

We only have a few weeks so once again it's time for New Year's Resolutions. 

Most people make common ones like lose weight, stop smoking, save more, don't worry so much and enjoy life.

Here are mine. 

I will no longer take responsibility for every thing that does not go according to plan. I will no longer try to be the fixer.

I don't care, it is not my fault.

This isn't easy you know.

Writing this every day.

Well, the writing is easy; it's the potential for baring my sole that's difficult.

People I know read this. But it seems the people who should, the ones who know me best, the people who have known me the longest, do not. 

Rhett Butler said in Gone with the Wind (an AFI top 100 movie I should watch one of these days) "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

I care about what you think and I really shouldn't. I suppose it's too late to change my ways but if one hundred and sixteen of you like me and one person doesn't. I'll get upset. I need to be more like Rhett.

When you read this do you actually think it's me?

I take creative license and make things up. Much of what you read is based in fact but most of it is embellished. I don't bitch and moan all the time. I very rarely walk around the house pretending I'm a world famous chef while wearing a pair of white underpants on my head.

What must you think? I ask myself. 

What if I write about my childhood, about how my mother found places to send me during the summer? What if I write about how it felt coming home to learn we had moved while I was away. What if I write about how relived I was to be informed of the move?

I always thought she did it to give me a well rounded upbringing when in fact I now know she was looking for a little respite. I was lucky she had two sisters who would take me. Her brothers couldn't be bothered with another child. One was busy working trying to earn enough to raise his family. The other was busy looking for single women to sleep with. I had no strong male figures in my life.

No wonder I'm screwed up.

It's taken me all this time to realize my formative years were filled with be a good boy and don't cause any trouble. I suppose my aunt was really pissed when I took a bite out of her son's arm. I know she was upset when I accidentally let her prize winning cat run out the back door. 

I'm finished trying to make things right. I'm tired of apologizing.

Screw you and the horse you rode in on.

I grew up one of fifteen first cousins. I had two uncles and two aunts. This was the immediate family but there were many more. I remember stories about Chinky the Forger who spent time in prison and Harry the guy in the Purple Gang. There was Danny the Lounge Singer in Las Vegas and Barry the Hollywood Mogul. 

Like many families that immigrated to this country in the early twentieth century mine hung on to its basic roots and ideals. They gathered together at holidays and had a Family Club that met monthly for years.

I'd celebrate my birthday with all of my cousins in attendance. We were like the family from My Big Fat Greek Wedding with all the Nick's, except we were Chuck's. 

These days that family is scattered all over the world. Most cousins don't know and have never met their relatives. I wouldn't know most of my cousins kids if they bit me on the ass.

I have always tried to be a fixer when it comes to family. I never understood why some people had sisters, brothers, mothers or fathers they didn't talk to on a regular basis. With the proliferation of FaceBook I've connected with several old friends in the last few years and was shocked at the numbers who do not talk with their siblings, I was curious but afraid to ask. I was sure I'd be told they were dead. I mean what other reason could there be?

So here I am, once again questioning my choice of material today. Is this airing my dirty laundry in public? Maybe. But even if it is, who cares? If someone reads this and recognizes themselves then maybe they should consider what I'm saying and reassess their own motivation.

I'm pissed, angry and upset.

Eight week ago my brother called me. He lives thirty-minutes west of here. We talk a couple times a year and see each other even less. There is no definitive reason our relationship is so tenuous, it just is. Ten years my senior his world and mine rarely intersected.

He wanted to get together with me, Wanda and our niece and nephew for dinner. He asked me for a few open dates and possible meeting places and told me he would make the arrangements.

This is the same brother who had a birthday lunch for me last year, neglected to confirm anything and called me the afternoon of it to ask where I was. At the time I didn't know his home address. I still don't.

A few weeks after our initial conversation I hadn't heard from him so I contacted our nephew. He was not aware of anything so at that point I took over planning the event.

Several years ago I arranged dinner for fourteen people. All were cruising friends, some of whom drove a long distance. We had 6:30 reservations in a small semi-private room. Everyone was on time, hungry and looking forward to the evening. As our time came and went I became more agitated by the second. Our table was occupied and the people sitting there were determined to set a Guinness record for lingering.

Here I was apologizing to the group for a bunch of inconsiderate jerks sitting around slurping the melting ice out of their highballs and licking the dessert plates. Here I was apologizing when the restaurant should have set up another table or even better, kicked their asses to the bar.

Just because I set it up it is not my fault we are running late. I am not responsible for the world. 

Screw you and the horse you rode in on.

Everyone responded to and acknowledged the first dinner invitations I sent on November 11th.

I reconfirmed everyone with a follow-up email on December 1st. After a few days I hadn't heard from my brother so I sent another email, a text and left a message on both a home and cell phone.

A week later I called him. It was December 8th. 

"Everything is fine," he told me. "I got your messages. I've just been really busy."

A week had passed, seven days and he'd been too busy to return a text or email.

We asked Older Daughter Jennifer, Son-in-Law Eric and Grandson Nicholas to join us and they agreed.

We had a reservation for eight people at 6 p.m.

Saturday night and it was finally time to leave for dinner. Wanda and I got there first and were soon joined by all, all except my brother. 

At 6:30 I called him.

He answered on the second ring which surprised me. After a preliminary greeting he said, "Is today Saturday? I forgot."

This is an educated man. This is a man who has had a lifetime of schedules and appointments to keep. This is a man who is still productive and busy. And this is man who forgot it was Saturday.

Now family is important to me so I hate to throw away a perfectly good brother. I lost my other brother, well I didn't lose him, he died a few years ago so I truly hate giving away my only sibling but I've decided to give him to my cousin Donna. They get along well, she has always liked him and I know they will have a very good relationship.

And since I'm giving him to Donna I'm going to take my two cousins in San Diego.

Lynn and Carol.....you are now mine.

Like it or not.

You know, for years I've thought there was no reason or excuse for not staying close with a relative. 

Now I don't think one is needed.