SockMonkey Santa says Ha-ha-Ho-ho-ho.

According to a new study by Joshua Goodman of Harvard's Kennedy School of Government, left-handed people earn up to 12 percent less than right-handed people.

Goodman analyzed three American and two British surveys.

He found lefties earn "10–12 percent lower annual earnings than righties, roughly equivalent to the return to a year of schooling."

Goodman also claims lefties have more behavioral and emotional problems. He asserts left-handedness is also associated with lower birth rate and other prenatal issues, so that may cause developmental problems for some.

"My study found that differential brain wiring may affect the way people process language."

Goodman said nothing about developmental issues in past generations of left handed dominant people who were beaten with rulers when attempting to write.

The study is published in the Journal of Economic Perspectives.

Bruno Martin, the CEO of New Wave Development said, "This study is ridiculous. Certain people do take home less because we deduct for tools like left-handed scissors but we pay all employees doing the same job the same wage regardless of sex, age, ethnicity or dominant appendage."

It makes me wonder how something so devious could happen at a place named FastTrain College.

Federal prosecutors from the U.S. attorney's office filed a lawsuit against Miami-based FastTrain College and said in a civil complaint at least one of the school's now-closed seven campuses used strippers as "admissions representatives."

The college "purposely hired attractive women and sometimes exotic dancers and encouraged them to dress provocatively while they recruited young men to attend FastTrain," the complaint states.

The school's campuses were shut down in 2012 following a raid by the FBI. Alejandro Amor, chief executive officer of the company, was indicted on criminal charges of conspiracy and theft of government money.

Federal authorities said the school received more than $35 million in Pell grants and other federal financial aid between 2009 and 2012, and they allege the school obtained a large amount of grant money through fraudulent means including falsifying high school diplomas for ineligible students.

British woman Caroline Cartwright, who was given suspended jail terms of eight weeks and 12 weeks for violating the four-year old anti-social behavior  law, will not comply with the court's demand that she spare her neighbors from the banging, screaming and loud sex resulting from her trysts with Steve, her husband of 38 years.

"As far as I'm concerned, that's what you should be doing," Cartwright said of her loud marital encounters. "Just relax. Go with the flow. It's not as if I'm having sex and think 'Oh, I'm making too much noise. I better be quiet.'"

"Steve may be thinking about rugby or kippers for all I know. I've never asked."

Cartwright was served with the ASBO after she was found to have breached a noise abatement order five times....and that was in one day.

The couple said they tried to appease neighbors by moving their late-night activities to the morning, but complaints have continued.

"I suppose that's to be expected since we live in a retirement community and no one around here goes to work."

"I don't see why I should stop having sex in my own house with my husband of 38 years," Cartwright said. "I'm sure there could be a lot worse things I could be doing."

"Old lady Crockett next door cooks split pea soup and cabbage every other day and it stinks to high heaven but you don't hear us bitchin' about it."

Cartwright went on to explain how Steve was "injured in the war" and has a severe hearing loss. "I always thought the nation would be more kind to vets."

Here is a great example of irony.

Police in Florida said a man arrested on an assault charge flew into a rage when his girlfriend suggested he take anger management classes.

The 53-year-old victim told police she and her boyfriend, George Robert Pineda, 44, had been consuming alcohol in their room at the Motor Inns Motel when she brought up the possibility of his taking anger management classes. 

The woman said she has known him for about a decade but they only recently started dating. 

"He began shouting profanities and grabbed me by the neck."

The woman said she was unable to breathe while being choked but she was able to push him away. She called the police after he fell asleep.

Pineda, who denied attacking the woman, was arrested on a charge of domestic battery by strangulation. He has multiple previous convictions, including counts of aggravated and domestic battery.

Here's to Marvin Tramaine Hill III and future Maury Povich guests.

Police said a man accused of assault told officers he chucked his McDonald's McChicken sandwich at his pregnant wife "because he doesn't like them."

Officers responded to the couple's home and Marvin Tramaine Hill II, 21, told them his 21-year-old wife had woken him up about 1 p.m. (and the alarm was set for 2:30) and handed him the McChicken sandwich.

Hill told officers the sandwich made him angry and admitted to throwing it at his wife before picking up pieces of the bun from the floor and throwing them at the woman a second time.

Hill's wife told officers he had smashed the bun into her face forcefully. She had mayonnaise on her shirt and face when officers arrived, police said. They said her nose also appeared swollen.

The suspect showed officers a cellphone video he recorded while his wife was cleaning herself up in the restroom. It showed his wife knocking the phone from his hands. Hill then accused his wife of assault, but police said they determined Hill was intentionally trying to get his wife to swat the phone from his hands to make her appear aggressive.

He was arrested on charges of simple domestic assault, wasting a perfectly good sandwich and attempting to manipulate video data.