Always Read the Instructions

Since I try to post four times a week it's inevitable I'll repeat myself on occasion. If your memory is like mine you won't remember anyway but I feel an obligation to mention it when I do.

This is not the first time I've talked about memory, or is it?

I'm not entirely sure if I'm starting to forget things because my brain is slowly turning into a mushy substance that resembles a gelatinous goop or because I no longer need to store the information.

"Oh, you know her. She was the blond in that movie with what's his name, the guy from Hunger Games. No, the short one that was in Journey to the Center of the Earth with Brendan Fraser."

When I have a question I always have a computer within easy reach.

Gotham....a new television series on Fox.

Wanda said. "Look, Got Ham."

It's a reality series about a family of six that traverses the country in a 35-year-old R.V. searching for bacon and pork to cook in new and inventive ways. 

Along the way they have adventures and hijinks visiting places like a meat packing facility in Kansas, a Vegan community in Maine and several Kosher Deli's in New York.

Cousin Neal (I always thought of his name as a verb) called the other day and said he missed She said...He heard.

While watching Ultimate Restorations.

She said. "They are working on a carousel."

He heard. They are working on a carrot cell.

While watching The Voice.

She said. "You could blow out your voice."

He heard. You could blow out your face.

She said. "The name of the song is Creep by Radiohead."

He heard. The name of the song is Creak by Radiohead.

As if I understood any of that Radiohead thing even after it was explained.

I'm pleased to say I've lost between seven and eight pounds since starting to eat the Fitbit way seven weeks ago. I'm also hungry all the freaking time. I can count the number of cookies I've eaten on one finger. I drink water and chew a lot of gum. 

I'm also trying to buy organic.

So the other day as I'm foraging in the kitchen I found a bag of Stacy's ORGANIC Pita Chips. Now I love these and have managed to eat just one small portion a day. I well understand organic apples and broccoli but I'm not sure why I should be concerned about pita chips. 

Pita chips have got to be healthier than potato chips, right?

Wrong.

Pita chips, despite their exotic name, are nutritionally quite poor. They're slightly lower in fat compared to potato chips, but made from refined carbs, and carry excessive sodium. Unlike potato chips that contain some potassium and vitamin C, pita chips are nutrient barren.

If you're looking for a healthier alternative to potato chips, try veggie chips, bean chips, corn chips or skip chips altogether.

When choosing a chip snack, look for chips that offer actual nutrients.

I need the chips. If I give them up I won't be able to eat hummus.

I think I need to do a little organic research.

The word "organic" refers to the way farmers grow and process agricultural products, such as fruits, vegetables, grains, dairy products and meat. Organic farming practices are designed to encourage soil and water conservation and reduce pollution.

Farmers who grow organic produce don't use conventional methods to fertilize and control weeds. Examples of organic farming practices include using natural fertilizers to feed soil and plants, and using crop rotation or mulch to manage weeds.

The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) has established an organic certification program that requires all organic foods to meet strict government standards. These standards regulate how such foods are grown, handled and processed.

Products that are completely organic — such as fruits, vegetables, eggs or other single-ingredient foods — are labeled 100 percent organic and can carry the USDA seal.

Foods that have more than one ingredient, such as breakfast cereal, can use the USDA organic seal plus the following wording, depending on the number of organic ingredients:

100 percent organic. To use this phrase, products must be either completely organic or made of all organic ingredients.

Organic. Products must be at least 95 percent organic to use this term.

The USDA actually has regulations that explain what qualifies as completely organic products; completely is 100%. And here I thought 97% was good enough. 

And what, pray tell, is in that leftover 5% of products deemed mostly organic.

Actually, nothing should surprise me when it comes to products and information.

Last week we bought a toaster oven. I thought we would conserve energy rather then using the large oven to bake, among other things, two 4 oz. salmon fillets.

READ ALL INSTRUCTIONS in 30pt. bold New Roman type screams the owners' manual. It has TWENTY-SIX detailed important safeguards.

And when you finish reading that the manufacturer has the following extremely important information.

To reduce the risk of electrical shock, this appliance has a polarized plug (one blade is wider than the other). This plug fits a polarized outlet only one way. If the plug does not fit fully into the outlet, reverse the plug. If it still does not fit, contact a qualified electrician.

Polarized (one blade is wider than the other). I'm so glad they cleared that up for me. Here I thought it was property of certain types of electromagnetic radiation in which the direction and magnitude of the vibrating electric field are related in a specified way. 

Are they kidding, call a qualified electrician? I'm going out to the garage to look for a tin snip.

Like I said, nothing should surprise me.

The new set of sheets came with instructions. Wanda said the tags are very helpful. I will take her word for it. I survived military boot camp. I graduated nursing school with an advanced certificate in bed making. And over the years I've learned there are some chores around the house that are easier and faster without my help so I just get out of the way.

Officials in a Polish town have opposed a proposition to name a playground after Winnie-the-Pooh due to the bears unclear gender and immodest clothing.

The matter was debated in a closed-door meeting weeks ago in the central Polish town of Tuszyn, but didn't get much media attention in Poland until recent days.

Voice recordings of the meeting were leaked to the media in which officials complained that Pooh Bear is immodestly dressed and also lacks a clear gender. 

One called the bear a "hermaphrodite."

Some said a fully clothed Polish cartoon bear named Uszatek would be a better choice.

“When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.”

Pooh....your brain is much larger than the Polish officials'.