Hold the Pickles and Onions

While watching the swarming defense of a football team:

She said. "It's like the Hobbits when they were captured by the Orcs."

He heard. It's like the Hobbits when they were captured in New York.

Happy National Cheeseburger Day.

There's little information about the origin of the day. 

One accepted story says a man wanted something different so he asked for a slice of cheese on his burger. He also asked for a slice on his pie. 

Maybe he just liked cheese.

Liechtenstein food inspection authorities said 1.4 tons of cheese stolen from a storage area were contaminated with a dangerous bacteria.

The federal food inspection office said 236 wheels of the Alp Sucka cheese were stolen from open containers where they were being stored after inspectors found them to be contaminated with listeria monocytogenes, bacteria that cause the potentially life-threatening infection listeriosis.

The cheese was slated to be destroyed but officials said they are concerned the cheese could be illicitly sold to people who are unaware of the health risks.

Officials are recommending consumers throw out any Alp Sucka cheese purchased.

I do understand this could be a life threatening problem but truth be told I'd toss anything edible called Sucka.

North Korean defectors claim Kim Jong Un's weight problems are partially due to the dictator's addiction to Swiss cheese.

Kim, 31, developed a taste for Emmental cheese while studying in Switzerland and he reportedly has it imported to North Korea so he can satisfy his cravings.

One defector said. "North Koreans think being fat is good, unlike South Koreans who want to be skinny. There is a high chance Jong Un intentionally gained weight to look like his grandfather, North Korean founder Kim Il-sung."

Veronique Drouet, director of the National Dairy Industry College in France, confirmed earlier this year Kim Jong Un attempted to have envoys enrolled in cheese making courses so he could have his Emmental made locally, but the request was denied.

This cheese is produced in the central cantons of Switzerland. It is a traditional, unpasteurized, hard cheese made from cow's milk. It's hard, thin rind is covered by paper with producer's name on it. The aroma is sweet with tones of fresh-cut hay. The flavor is very fruity, not without a tone of acidity. Emmental has walnut-sized holes. It is considered to be one of the most difficult cheeses to be produced because of its complicated hole-forming fermentation process.

If Kim Jong Un did get permission to produce the cheese would it be Emmental North Korean Swiss?

I like a little mayo on my cheeseburger.

Oklahoma City police said they arrested a man accused of washing his hair with mayonnaise in a public fountain.

Police said an officer responded to the fountain on a report of a man causing a disturbance and the officer arrived to find Jorge Perez, 23, breathing heavily and soaked with water.

Perez told the officer he was wet because he had been washing his hair in the Bricktown fountain using mayonnaise as shampoo.

Perez told the officer he heard mayo was good for the hair and the skin too.

"Yes, I read some of the ladies magazines when I have the time. I got a great deal on the mayonnaise, only $1 a jar. It was almost out of date." 

Perez was arrested for violating the city's ban on bathing in public areas.

A Danish town outfitted homeless volunteers with GPS devices to help officials track the routines of "those who just want to sit on a bench and drink beers."

Tom Rodding said the city outfitted 20 local homeless people with GPS trackers so officials can keep track of their movements and improve city planning for objects such as benches and shelters.

"In short, we want to know how we in the council can adapt and keep making offers to the socially marginalized. Those who just want to sit on a bench and drink beers. We know too little about how they move around town."

Rodding said the devices, which the volunteers have been asked to carry in their pockets will also make it easier for social workers to find those they intend to help.

The officials said the GPS devices were designed to help care homes keep track of dementia patients with a tendency to wander off. He said he has not heard of any other town putting the devices to a similar use.

"As far as I know, this has never been tried anywhere else in the world before," Rodding said.

Police in Philadelphia released security camera footage of a robber pocketing a banana at a store and using the fruit to simulate a gun to rob the shop.

The Southwest Detective Division said the man took the banana from the counter at Tejada Grocery and held it in the front pocket of his hooded sweatshirt, making it appear as if he had a handgun.

Police said the man used the simulated gun to demand money and cigarettes from the female clerk.

She handed over half a box of chocolate gold dollars and a carton of candy cigarettes.

Detectives are asking anyone with information about the crime or the suspect to call Philadelphia Police.

A British dog who had a pair of panties surgically removed from his stomach failed to learn his lesson and is still snacking on thongs, his owner said.

Kaye Banks of Rotherham, England, said Brian, a 4-year-old Samoyed, is notorious in her home for stealing her underwear and those of her daughter, Charlotte, and he is especially fond of black and bright pink thongs made of silk and lace.

Banks said Brian was previously able to pass underwear on his own without incident, but he recently underwent a two-hour emergency operation when a pair of panties clogged his intestines.

Banks said Brian returned from his four-day stay at the veterinary hospital and almost immediately consumed another thong.

Veterinarians were able to make Brian regurgitate the most recent pair.

"We just couldn't believe that after an operation and four days at the vets he comes home and does it again.

Veterinarian Tony Duffy of Abbey Vets said Brian is a remarkable canine.

"It never fails to amaze me what dogs will swallow, but swallowing three thongs in such a short space of time must beat them all."

Brian, through dog interpreter Sondra Killmartin, said. "Are you both stupid...STOP LEAVING YOUR UNDERPANTS ON THE FLOOR."