We Start Week Three.....

Wanda and I went to the Hampton Inn for the week-end. Friday, Saturday and last night (Sunday) we took showers, slept and watched the Olympics in a motel three miles from home. 

The room was nice, the water hot, the bed was comfy and the TV large. We spent evenings there and came home for the day. The cats were somewhat confused with all the coming and going but they got fed and that's pretty much all that worries them.

I had a food problem. I never eat at home after dinner. At the hotel I couldn't stop eating junk food. At eight last night I devoured two small bags of salt and vinegar potato chips. I spent the night alternately drinking water and peeing. I got around three hours sleep.

Going into the third week the bathroom needs paint, the toilet, vanity, light, fan and fixtures.

Soon I'll be able to take a hot shower at home. We went from no rain in months to lots of rain to floods to houses sliding down hills. In spite of the recent downpour this area is still in drought conditions. I'll take quick showers.

I grew up in Michigan and know how to drive in inclement weather, both rain and snow. Most Californians and Oregonians can negotiate rain but not snow. Younger Daughter Rebecca had a problem last Friday.

School closed early but she hit ice and snow part way home. She couldn't get over the high pass so she stopped at an Embassy Suites. Now five months pregnant she approached the check-in desk.

"Hi, do you have a special pregnant rate?" She asked the clerk.

Rebecca told me the woman looked at her like she had two heads. 

They say the apple (or is it the nut) doesn't fall far from the tree. She is definitely her dad's daughter.

Our town is off water. Gulls flock to Safeway every morning to forage for food and shit on vehicles and people. Locals know to wear hats or hoods and serpentine from the car to the doors. We always go early which is peak time for the birds. A few weeks ago the sky was exceptionally crowded. 

I ran into the store and stopped in front of the Starbucks.

"If you get crapped on by a gull do you get a free coffee?" I asked the barista.

She looked at me like I had two heads.

Embassy Suites does not have a pregnant rate. If you're crapped on, Starbucks will give you a wet napkin but no coffee.

Aside from our week end in the motel Wanda and I have been going over to Older Daughter Jenn and Son-in-Law Eric's house for showers. A couple evenings we've eaten there. If we need to use their house this week we'll drop off our laundry. Kids do it all the time so why not the parents.

I am always astonished at the helpful hints I read on the World Wide Web.

Comebacks for Embarrassing Moments.

Etiquette expert, Jodi R.R. Smith, the founder of Mannersmith, an etiquette consulting firm in Boston offers this advice for saving face and moving on-fast.

If You Call an Acquaintance by the Wrong Name:

Apologize and compliment the person: “Jasmine, that’s a beautiful name.” Or provide an explanation as to why you called her the wrong name and use a positive association. For example, say, “One of my best friends is Yasmine, and that’s why that name always comes to mind when I see you.” 

What she is saying is lie and make up some bullshit story for your mistake. My advice: Continue to use the wrong name, put the onus on them.

If You Fall Down in Public:

Take a few seconds to breathe and gather your bearings if you've fallen. Then brush yourself off and thank anyone who rushed over to check that you’re OK.

Oh please! Start yelling about a broken or badly sprained leg and a lawyer. You don't want strangers to think you're a klutz. Rule number one, always shift the blame.

If You Wave at Someone Who Isn't Waving at You:

There’s no need to correct yourself. You’re just spreading good cheer, so keep your head up high. Consider it a random act of kindness.

I disagree: You know you will feel silly so go ahead and scratch your head. It's better to let a stranger think you have dandruff than embarrass yourself.

If You Discover You Have Food Stuck in Your Teeth:

Attempt to dislodge the food by closing your mouth and gently running your tongue over your teeth. Then take a drink of water. “If that doesn't work, go to the restroom and remove the leftovers in private.”

I say leave it there, especially if it's a big hunk of lettuce. Watch the people you interact with. They won't look you in the eye.

If You Leave Your Fly Unzipped:

If someone tips you off, thank him profusely. You’re human; it happens.

See food in teeth, same thing...leave it alone.

An etiquette consulting firm? I wonder if business is good?

Elbows down, put your napkin on your lap, don't shovel your food or belch at the table and never fart in an empty elevator. Wait until its crowded, blame someone else.

What more do you need to know?