Why is this so difficult? I'd like to write about our anniversary and what the last twenty-four-years have meant. But we (Wanda and I) don't stand on ceremony. To us it's just another day. So don't feel bad if you didn't send a card. We understand.
But you couldn't at least send an e-mail, say something on Facebook or send a text even? The telephone here works, what about a congratulatory phone call? You think twenty-four-years (twenty-six if you count living together) is easy? My god, there are times I look over at.....oops. I didn't write that.
October 9, 1989: Wanda and I were married at the Blue Bell Chapel of the Hills in Reno. We had two witnesses, Older Daughter (who was younger at the time) Jennifer, and her friend. Following the service the wedding party went to the closest casino to watch the S.F. Giants/Chicago Cubs playoff game. The Giants won. Jack Clark hit a home run.
October 17, 1989: A minute or two past 5 p.m. The Great San Francisco Earthquake hit. It was the strongest quake since 1906.
Coincidence? You be the judge.
Wanda and I are still having fun. We often say, it's a good thing we found each other, because no one else would have us. There's no question I love Wanda and versa vicea. When I look back over the last twenty-four years I'm most thankful for the closest people in our lives, our small family.
In October 1989 Older Daughter Jennifer was 20-years-old. She and husband Eric now have a soon to be 18-year-old, our Grandson Nicholas. In October 1989 Younger Daughter Rebecca just turned 10. She and husband Tim have been married five years. Someday they may have a family of their own.
In October 1989 I was 40, Wanda was 39.
Where has the time gone? These days I think about that often, it's normal I'm sure. When I was a kid summer lasted a year. Now it lasts a few days. The days, the weeks, the years pass like falling leaves off a soon to be winterized tree. I seem to blink and another year is gone.
Where has the time gone? Would I change anything if I could? The bad spouse comes to mind, but without her I wouldn't have Rebecca and Tim. I wouldn't have Wanda and Jennifer and Eric and Nick.
On second thought, I wouldn't change a thing.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO WANDA, MY FRIEND & PARTNER OF 24 YEARS.
In keeping with the family theme: The Key to lasting love.
According to Matilda Flaggal, MD, PhD, MFC, DDT the single most important thing for a lasting relationship is communication. "It's not money, sexual or emotional but communication." Flaggal says, "No matter the problem, if a couple can't talk together, they're screwed."
Pick the right time and place: Set aside at least thirty minutes to discuss problems. This should always be in a quiet place. A sports bar on Sunday, Monday or Thursday during football season isn't conducive to conversation. Flaggel suggests the garage, especially in winter. "Take a couple of lawn chairs and face each other. Make a pact to conclude the discussion only when the issue is solved. When it's 12 degrees you'll talk much faster. Those that live in warm climates can go to the frozen food section of the local supermarket."
Set your goals before you begin a difficult conversation: Make sure your partner knows the point of this is making your relationship stronger, not tearing each other down. Always remind the other person how much you value them. Do not get emotional and start pointing fingers. Always be 100% sure your partner understands why you are doing this. It's also a very good idea to hide any guns, knives, or potentially damaging sculpture before starting.
If you are upset at something specific try not to generalize: Don't say, "You never do this" or "You never do that." And don't bring up things from the past. Flaggel says, "It's better to say, 'You left the toilet seat up last night and when I sat down my ass got wet. I wish you wouldn't do that'" rather than "Are you stupid? How many f-ing times do I need to tell you to put the f-ing toilet seat down?"
Be conscience of trying to begin every sentence with the word "I" rather than "You": The goal here is to "own" your feelings. Do not slander your partner. For example, "I felt like you were ignoring me yesterday and I needed your love after my proposal at the office was turned down" rather than "You are a cold heartless bitch who never supports my work." Flaggel says, "In keeping with the "I" the next conversation is usually, "I want a divorce" or "I want you out of here."
Create an obvious upside to talking out your problems: End with positive rather then negative feedback to each other. The next time something comes up you'll have a good experience to build on. Don't say, "The sooner we get this over with the sooner I can have a drink" but "I am so glad we did this, now I love you more than ever." Then go pour yourself a double.
In closing Flaggel adds, "Don't worry about things you can't control. Concern yourself with those you can, like talking with your partner. It's so important to come to an agreement and a resolution. Even if you hate each other."
You can order the books, "Loving Your Relationship" and "A Happy Road to Living" by Matilda Flaggel, MD, PhD, MFC, DDT on line at Amazon.com.
See you tomorrow, thanks for reading the blog.
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