Think Fast.....Type Faster

I must get this blog entry finished. The Detroit Tigers/Oakland A's ball game starts at 10:05 a.m. The teams are tied one game each in the best of five series. Today's game is critical. OK, maybe not critical but very important. Since Wanda is at the office there's no potential for light violence. If the series goes to a game five I'm going to buy foam bats. We can hit each other over the head, take out our frustrations, and get some exercise at the same time.

I hope you know I'm exaggerating. But the truth is, Wanda roots for the home team and my heart is in Detroit.

I am consistently amazed at how much I don't know. Jeggings? According to Wikipedia: 

Jeggings were brought on by the resurgence in style of skinny jeans in the mid- to late-2000s (decade), when a higher demand for an even tighter style of pant came about. Since jeggings are typically made of a denim/spandex lend, they are often worn on their own as opposed to under a skirt or dress. Some jeggings have front fastening facilities while others just have an elastic waistband and no pockets.

I thought jeggings were like Spanx. Actually Spanx has products that look like jeggings.

I like saying and reading and writing both spanx and jeggings. Why would anyone subject themselves to this torture?

Prior to meeting Wanda I went on a few dates. Some were good and others not so good. 

On one date I was chatting and getting along well with a nice lady. At one point in the conversation she paused to take a sip of her drink. She was looking at me (good eye contact you know) and when she dipped her head, the straw went right up her nose. She was obviously embarrassed so I said, "What a coincidence, I sometimes drink mine like that too."

In the news this morning: How to tell if your date's really into you.

1. Your date says your name more than usual: Maybe your date says your first and last name, like, “So, Melvin Michaels, you up for a night cap after dinner?” Or maybe your date says just your first name three times, like “Jenna, Jenna, Jenna.” Either way, it can be a sign that your date feels so much chemistry, he or she can’t help but connect with your closest possession: your name.

Or, he or she may be trying to get your name embedded in their brain. Sorry, what's your name again (for the fifth time) is not the best start to a lasting romance.

2. Your date squints at you: If you watch reality dating shows like The Bachelor and all the rest, when one party harbors a crush on the other, they’ll give each other a squint. It’s an unconscious bit of body language that shows the person is searching for more info about you.

Maybe your date has terrible eyesight and doesn't want to put on their glasses? Whatever, you shouldn't take dating tips from television shows.

3. Your date asks the "why" and "how" questions: During dinner conversation, any polite date will ask you factual things about your family like, “So, do you have brothers and sisters?” But that’s not necessarily a sign they feel chemistry with you. It is a sign of chemistry, however, if they delve deeper and ask more probing questions. As in, “So, how did you get interested in accounting, anyway?” And “Why did you decide to move all the way across the country?”

"So, tell me Stanley, when did you get out of prison?"

4. Your date gets quiet midway through your time together: Rather than taking your date’s silence as a sign your date has lost interest, it could actually be the opposite: Your date may be feeling such a pull toward you that he or she is lost in thought about it. “Sometimes, a person feels such a strong attraction that instead of nodding and following the conversation, he or she is just contemplating you," says dating and relationship expert Sherry Lynne Debois.

Good advice, contemplating you! He's thinking I wonder what she looks like naked? She's thinking I hope he has a decent job, not like the last loser. 

5. Your date gives you a token to commemorate the evening: If your date gives you something you can hold onto and look at later, chances are they’re feeling chemistry. Jennifer’s date once picked up a box of matches from the restaurant they were in and said, “Here, for you.” He didn’t say, “Something to remember me by” or “So we’ll always remember this night,” but that, in fact, was the underlying message. It’s a sign that your date wants you to have something to remember him or her by… because clearly, this person will be remembering your date as being truly great.

As long as it's not an STD.....or worse, a baby.

A cousin who is six months my senior is getting married soon. He married young and his wife passed away five years ago. Family is very important to him and I think he was lonely. A few years ago he started dating. I'm happy for him, I can't imagine what he went through.

Dating for older folks.

1. Always check the battery in your hearing aid before leaving the house: There's nothing worse than missing half of an engaging conversation. Your date may be talking about the healthy effects and pleasure of high colonic coffee enemas and you say, "Yes, I enjoy that too." Hearing is the first step to a great relationship. After you're married you'll have plenty of reasons to turn the hearing aid off.

2. Be sure and pee before your date: This is especially important if you are going to be in the car for awhile. You only get one chance at a first impression and screaming, "Pull the fuck over before I wet myself," is not the best start. Or you could wear depends.

3. Men....take your Cialis or Viagra at the usual time: You never know, you may get lucky the first time out of the blocks. If it's been awhile look at a few pictures to remind yourself what goes where and how. You can find lots of good stuff on the Internet. No matter what, always be a gentleman.......your date may be wearing depends.

4. If you use a cane or walker, take it along: A trip to the emergency room can ruin a date. Many a coupling has been derailed by a broken hip.

5. If you plan on dinner check the menu ahead of time: Your date may be lactose or gluten intolerant. Be sure the restaurant you choose has options. You don't want to take someone allergic to shellfish to Chester's Crab Crib.

6. Take a cell phone and tell someone your plans: You can call them for a reminder in case you forget.

This from over60dating.org. Members can view how many emails and ice-breaking winks or greeting cards they have received.

My initial read: Members can view how many emails and ice-breaking wind. 

Now that would be a great way to start a date....!