In the news this morning.
Detroit Lions wide receiver Nate Burleson breaks his arm in a 1 car crash. What's the first thing you thought of? Me too. The team said in a statement this morning the police have confirmed alcohol was not involved. So, who am I to judge?
Von Miller is a football player in Denver. He's had several driving convictions and arrests since 2005. He is currently serving a six game suspension for violating the NFL drug policy. The urine collector was going to supply and turn in "clean pee." I doubt this is the first time this has been attempted. Miller got caught.
Sources said the collector worked in Miami, where Miller spends off season time, and the collector reveled in knowing the Broncos linebacker while being, according to a source, "star struck." It led, sources said, to the collector's willingness to substitute another person's urine specimen for Miller's. It might have worked, sources said, had a second collector not discovered that Miller was not in the city where his collection was supposed to have taken place.
"He's fast," one source said of Miller, "but he's not that fast."
One source was "reasonably certain" no money changed hands between Miller and the collector, but there was concern the NFL may have a problem beyond Miller and the collector involved. The NFL and the NFLPA (National Football League Player's Association) declined comment.
I've had many jobs in my lifetime. My first was after school scooping ice-cream and making banana splits. My last was working in a hospital emergency room. I've seen and handled lot's of body fluids. Some really bothered me, most did not. However I felt about the 'yuck' stuff I was there to help my patient. I've handled more than my share of urine.
How (and why) does someone becomes a urine collector for the NFL? Is there a urine collector school? If so, does it have a motto? A fight song? Sports teams of it's own? How long is the educational process?
"Hi, my name is Franklin Pepper and I'm a graduate of the Technical Institute of Pensacola. I earned my degree in just twenty four months. The classes were always interesting with great instructors. I learned how to recognize and measure urine specimens. I know how to help produce under stress (I thank my psych classes for that). I know the proper aiming techniques. I guess you could say I'm a pee expert. I'm now fully qualified to collect urine for all the major sports leagues. I'm happy earning a good living and my wife is thrilled."
Like travel? Enjoy inside work? Have fun meeting major sports stars. See us on line at UPWEC.com and start the first day of the rest of your life.
Guy walks up to a cute single girl in a bar and says, "Hi can I buy you a drink?" After some conversation she asks what he does for a living. The guy says, "I collect urine for the NFL."
Looking for something different this Halloween?
A Pennsylvania Halloween park is challenging visitors to pass through a haunted house in the nude for the "Naked and Scared" challenge.
The Shocktoberfest attraction in Sinking Spring, Pennsylvania said guests can pay $20 after midnight, once the park's regular hours have ended, to pass through the haunted house for a challenge inspired by the Discovery Channel's "Naked and Afraid" reality show.The park said participants can go either "nude" or "prude," an option to leave one's underwear on during the challenge.
Officials said only guests over the age of 18 will be allowed to participate and they will undress in a "semi-private pre-show building" to keep them out of view of minors and non-participating customers......"semi-private?"
The park's website said the attraction is not meant to be sexual and "no sexual misconduct, inappropriate or disrespectful behavior will be tolerated"...well that sure puts a damper on things.
I've never seen "Naked and Afraid." Maybe it's a great program? It must be educational since it's on the Discovery Channel. I'm assuming it has something to do with ghosts rather than very ugly naked people.
Surly this job is much better than collecting urine.
Buckingham Palace announced it is seeking someone to be responsible for winding the queen's 1,000 clocks (that's a lot of friggin' clocks) for $50,035 per year.
The advertisement on Queen Elizabeth's official website says the Royal Horological Conservator will be based in Buckingham Palace, but will also have to travel to Windsor Castle, the Palace of Holyroodhouse, Balmoral and Sandringham to make sure all of the monarch's clocks are wound and set to the accurate time.
The post-holder will be primarily responsible for resetting the clocks for the time changes in March and October.
The posting says an ideal applicant would be "experienced at working with hand and machine tools" and have the ability to "strip and clean mechanisms, make new parts."
Thinking Wanda may move to London I checked this job listing. The Royal Website is humongous. I couldn't find the clock setter job but I did find a tapestry hanger position that sounded promising.
How did I miss this last week?
Authorities in Florida said a woman allegedly stabbed a man in the buttocks during an argument about cutting (cutting...get it?) in a drive-through line.
Mohammad Abukhder told deputies he was in the drive-through lane at a McDonald's when Hellen Simon, 45, tried to pull in front of him in line.
Abukhder said he cursed at Simon and the woman responded by getting out of her vehicle and using a knife to stab the hood of his car...take that you nasty car!
Abukhder told deputies he got out of his car to try to stop Simon from leaving and she stabbed him in his right buttock, causing a small puncture wound.
Simmons was arrested on charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and criminal mischief with property damage.
Abukhder did not require medical attention and damage to his vehicle was estimated at $200.
The next time your day is particularly troublesome think of Abukhder. Minding his own business in a fast food drive-thru one minute, stabbed in the ass the next.
Today is National Punctuation Day. Like I care.....!!!
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