Not All The News Is Bad.....

Last night I watched the entire All-Star Game. I haven't done that in years. The sport of baseball has become entertainment, young players are very "colorful." One of the announcers said, "If you're old school baseball and don't like it, you better get used to it, because it's not going away." Tats, earrings, Mohawks and fluorescent orange shoes. Yes, the game and the players have changed but so has the world. 

"Ballplayers are allowed to Tweet once they're off the field," said Joe (or Tim). These guys are living under a microscope just like actors, singers, and people name NeNe. No wonder they wear orange shoes. By the way, it was a good game.

There really isn't much in the news I care to write about. You all know what's dominating the headlines. I'm paraphrasing a Facebook friend. News people are money grubbing, headline grabbing, shit stirrers. Why should the Detroit News have NOT GUILTY as its headline? It happened in Florida. What makes me angry are all the people protesting THAT WEREN'T THERE ( both in the street and in the courtroom).

Now, to be honest, I don't know if the trial was televised. Maybe it was? In that case what makes me angry are all the people protesting THAT DIDN'T WATCH IT. OK, now I think I've covered my bases. I think everyone is entitled to their opinion for sure. But, this was a justice system at work. We're supposed to abide by it's decisions. Or, as they say, like it or lump it. I think that's what is known as an appeal.

Now I feel much better so let's see what else is on the news today.

At least it wasn't a shark.

A 35-year-old man from northern Israel was bitten on his penis while urinating. The man claims a snake "slithered out of the toilet" and bit him. Paramedics were called to the scene of the attack. "Damn good thing it wasn't a rattler. None of us is paid enough to suck out poison."

The man told the paramedic he went into the bathroom to relive himself and suddenly felt a sharp burning sensation on his penis. "I knew it wasn't the clap, I had that as a kid." He was taken to a local trauma center by ambulance.

A treating physician told the press he had never seen a snake bite like this. "There is undoubtedly bite marks on the area in question, but the snake was not poisonous. The man is currently under observation. We're going to run a number of tests and as soon as we have the results he can go home." 

It took a lot of my self control not to make a reference to the size of the snake.....or the penis.

I apologize in advance, I can't leave this one alone.

A Texas man was arrested twice in three months for having sex with a horse on private property.

Cirilo Castillo, 43, had just been released from jail in April after being accused of having sex with the same horse, Nadia, as well as unrelated charges of theft and marijuana possession. In 2012, Castillo was accused of having sex with two other horses on separate properties, the video says.

Nadia's owners set up a surveillance camera in the corral and called police after seeing the footage.

"The guy is practically harmless, except for the horse." a police spokesman said. "I just can't ignore this and allow this to keep happening."

There is currently no bestiality law in Texas; however, Castillo could be charged with animal cruelty if it can be proven the horse was hurt.

Do you really expect me to say something about this?

And it gets even stranger.

A 34-year-old Ohio man has been charged with public indecency for the second time in two years after "having public sexual relations with a pool float."

The man came out of his back door naked. He jumped in his pool began fondling and eventually mounted the float. He declined to pay the $25,000 public indecency charge and is being held in a local jail.

No stranger to odd, he was arrested in 2011 after he was reported to be having sex with a pink blow-up pool raft in an alley behind his house.

An arresting officer said, "He seems to like plastic floats and rafts. I don't know why he doesn't buy himself a good blow-up doll like everybody else? He could get himself a hell of a plaything for the 25 grand this will eventually cost him."

Whadda ya mean you won't buy me a beer?

Authorities in upstate New York say a woman called 911 early Tuesday morning, claiming a man in Emily’s Bar had punched her in the face. 

But officers say that one of the women had punched the man in the face when he refused to buy her a drink. Police say she and two other women chased the man outside and clubbed him with their shoes as the bar’s bouncer joined the attack.

The women, ages 19, 24 and 25, and the bouncer were charged with felony gang assault. Police say the victim suffered eye injuries and is now an emotional wreck. "There I was minding my own business when this broad asked me to buy her a drink." I said, "Do I look like fucking Bill Gates to you? Take a hike. Next thing I know I'm getting beat down with a shoe."

And finally:

In northern Minnesota A 67-year-old man and his 64-year-old wife were taken into custody after coating themselves in clam dip and creating a public disturbance. 

"This isn't the first time we've had problems with these two. I think they enjoy the attention." said the arresting officer. 

Ronald and Virginia Flickerman were arrested at New Lakes Park on Saturday afternoon. "It was just our way of doing things," said Ron. The park has a ban on picnics which we think is stupid. It's a PARK.

In addition to the living clam dip the Flickerman's brought guacamole, chips, and salsa. "We are not going away. Next time we plan on chili and BLT's."

Long live the 60's...Peace, Love and Out.