Going Once, Going Twice, SOLD...

I try to be aware of my speech habits, especially now that I'm older. It would be very annoying to use the same expressions consistently. Recognizing and changing habits is important. I don't want to annoy Wanda. One of these days she could look at me and think, "If he takes one more breath like that I'm going to smack him with a pipe."

When answering the phone my brother Fred did a throat clearing ha-hem. After hearing it for the hundredth time I mentioned it. "You maybe want to think about doing it before you actually have the phone up to your mouth" I said. His response, "Do what?" In the "Sopranos" the character Paulie Gualtieri had a little tee he laugh that was very annoying. 

In most of these circumstances the do-er has no idea he is do-ing.

I try to mix things up. If I realize I'm overusing an expression I cease and desist.

I do not like the expression TO DIE FOR. Is there anything on this earth worth a life? I especially dislike the expression when used to describe a food dish. The chocolate cake is TO DIE FOR. No. The chocolate cake laced with cyanide is TO DIE FOR.

Like their adoring fans celebrities go to the toilet and put their pants on one leg at a time. But they're never described doing anything like a regular Joe. I wear shorts, I get a haircut, plain and simple. Not like the stars.

Upton WOWS in short shorts, Brinkley ROCKS swimsuit at 59, which I guess is her age, not a club or beach. It's nice she can rock anything pushing 60. Gena DAZZLES and Brad DELIGHTS. 

I'm a big Woody Allen fan, always have been. I think his body of work is amazing. As a writer he has 71 credits, a director 49, and an actor 44. Since  "Annie Hall" the Academy Award winning Best Film of 1977, he has written and directed 36 movies. I mention this because I just watched his 2012 film "To Rome With Love." 

Like the majority of his work, To Rome has an ensemble cast and several intertwining stories. I especially enjoyed Roberto Benigni ("Life is Beautiful") as a middle class clerk suddenly thrust into the limelight of fame. One morning he walks out of his house to a throng of paparazzi. Before he can react he's whisked into a limo and on to a TV set.

"What did you have for breakfast this morning?" "Two pieces of bread, toasted" says Lepoldo. "Plain, or do you use jam?" "Plain." "You heard it here first, Lepoldo had toast for breakfast this morning. Was it white bread or another?" At work he is elevated to manager, people ask for his autograph. How and when he shaves, if he wears boxers or briefs, if he thinks it will rain become newsworthy.

Invited to a movie premier his wife wears a cotton dress and has a run in her hose. The red carpet reporter refers to the dress as "Trash chic" and the run as "Stylishly positioned." 

This morning I was directed to OMGICU, a Celebrity Sightings web site. It had page after page of amateur pictures (cell phones?) of "stars." Who, where, and when captioned. "I saw Tila Tequila at Disneyland yesterday. First celebrity of my trip."

Someone care to tell me who Tila Tequila is? 

By the way, speaking of fame: Remember Monica Lewinski? 

A Portland, Ore., teacher who had an affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky at the same time she was engaging in illicit acts with President Bill Clinton is now auctioning off several artifacts tied to the rendezvous — including, at least one sample of her lingerie.

The teacher, Andy Artisian, has more than 30 items from his affair with Ms. Lewinski — including several articles of clothing she gave to his now ex-wife — and they’re all headed to the auction block.

“Items owned by Monica Lewinski, especially relating to the Clinton scandal and Ken Starr investigation are exceedingly rare,” said auctioneer Nate Saunders whose auction house is in possession of the items. 

“This is, to my knowledge, the only collection of this nature to come to light." Among the items: A black negligee, greeting cards and a letter from President Clinton.

According to UPI the letter states, “Dear Andy: Hillary and I want to personally extend our warmest wishes to you as you gather with your family and friends to celebrate your birthday. As you look forward to the year ahead, please accept our best wishes for good health and much happiness. Happy birthday!”

The auction house says the items were entered into evidence in the impeachment against Mr. Clinton. The high bid so far was $2,700. Bidding ends today.

Where is the infamous "Dress?" I'll hold off on the bidding until I can snag that.

This story is the absolute epitome of "celebrity" stupidity.