I finally managed to get my a haircut yesterday. This is my second time with Mark the Barber. Tuesday and Wednesday are special "Senior" days, cuts for ten bucks. Wednesday is also a special "Senior" day at the local theater, movie admission is five bucks. It's also the early bird special at the I.H.O.P., free coffee or drink and a four dollar entree. I'm not yet 65 and I qualify for all these discounts, damn, I can't wait to see what I get later. Throw in a special bus to the Reno casino's, I could have a Hell of a retirement.
Mark did a good job. I thought I would show you by taking a photo with the built in camera on this lap top. I can take single snapshots and movies. I can set it to detect any motion in the room. It even sends me an e mail notification if it does. The camera does all these things which is amazing. Of course, I can't make it work. I did get a blue light to come on, guess that's something?
With Christmas soon upon us, lots of holiday parties are going full swing. A few things you probably shouldn't do at work celebrations.
1. If you have mistletoe hanging in the office do not park under it. If you happen to be in a position to give a co-worker a kiss, remember, no tongue. Under no circumstances should you kiss the boss, anywhere. And for god's sake, don't wear a mistletoe headband.
2. Do not make the mistake of thinking dress festive means lingerie under a break-a-way Santa outfit. This goes for guys too, on them it's red and white striped boxers. You don't have anything that looks like a barber pole down there, maybe a small peppermint stick?
3. Reindeer antlers and ears are cute but like wearing a green leprechaun hat with "Kiss Me I'm Irish" on St. Paddy's Day, leave them at home.
4. Remember to use manners and decorum at the buffet table. Yes, cracked crab, lobster, and shrimp are tasty, but no one likes a hog, unless it's a Hawaiian Luau. Never use the serving spoons like scoops or shovels.
5. Never dance on anything but the floor. Ever see a movie with a holiday scene and a woman gets up on the table? You do not want to hear, Take it off, take it all off, from co-workers.
6. Don't take advantage of an open bar or someone may take advantage of you. The only thing worse than waking in the morning thinking, where am I is where am I and who is that?
7. If Schlomo; the guy from the mail room, is the pretend Santa, don't sit in his lap. But, if you must, don't wiggle. Remember it's Santa not a lap dance.
8. Germs are everywhere. If you shake hands with someone and carry hand sanitizer, wait until they walk away before using it. Never stare at an offered hand and say, "Sorry, I don't know where that's been."
9. If you are single, don't believe the rumors about Junie from accounting. Just because she goes out with a different guy every week end doesn't mean she's easy. She may really be in need of house painters and company for Sunday Night Football.
10. Never talk without thinking first. Tomorrow you may not remember what you said, but you can bet Susie will, especially if it was said to Ellen.
11. Never forget that somewhere, someone is lurking with a camera. So, do not run into the room with garland around your neck and underpants on your head screaming, "Hey everyone, I'm the ghost of Christmas Presents. Have you been naughty or nice?"
12. Do not tell off-color jokes. Do not tell jokes if you can't remember the punch lines. Do not make inappropriate gestures. Do not touch a member of the opposite sex anywhere that may be considered a sexual advance. Do not say anything that isn't social acceptable about anyone that has any type of physical or mental challenge. Never solicit help with your computer from the guys in I.T. Do not use the party as an opportunity to ask the boss for a raise. Don't talk, eat, or drink, too much.
13. Don't go.....with all these restrictions you'll have a better time at home. Find a friend and watch the Yule Log on TV. Do a jig saw puzzle of the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center. Rent "Home Alone" or "A Christmas Story." Bake cookies, play Yahtzee, get a head start on your tax return. Anything is better than going to an office party.
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