Good Morning:
I need to get something off my chest. OK, the cat's on the floor now.
I know some advice is never divulge too much information on line, but frankly, I'm not concerned. I want to write about our upcoming cruise in Alaska. If anyone reading this isn't a friend and you want to come burgle the house, bring it on.
We have a state of the arts home alarm system, a house sitter/watcher, and a notoriously dangerous watch cat. And, if the alarm is tripped the damn horn that sounds is loud enough to knock you off your feet. Trust me, your hearing will never be the same. If you're thinking about plugs or cotton in your ears, don't bother, it won't help.
The house was burgled ten years ago. Younger Daughter Rebecca was here for the week end. It was a Friday evening and we all had a hankering, now that is another silly word, hankering. Hank-ering, hank-ering, hank-ering. I'll use it in a sentence, a man named Hank lost an earring. And while I'm thinking about it, have you ever used the word, hanky, as in; my nose is running does anyone have a hanky? And hanky is short for handkerchief so why isn't it spelled handy? Does any have a handy hanky or a hanky handy?
I love the English language. How about, Hanky Panky and Hooky Poky. "You put your right foot in, you take your right foot out."
So, we thought a Mexican dinner was a great idea and went out to eat. We were gone about two hours. As we were pulling in the driveway I noticed our front screen door open. When we approached the house on foot the front door was open as well. At first I didn't think we had a problem. I thought I forgot to close it or a wind gust blew it open. When we entered the house it was clear we had been burgled.
The TV was gone, the surround sound system was gone, cameras, jewelry, just about everything of value was gone. They took the speakers off the walls and rummaged through the house. Wanda and I always thought it was the next door neighbor. The kid, about 15 or 16 probably hopped the side fence and came in through the patio door. Ya, it was him and we couldn't do a thing about it.
It was very frustrating, learning that a potential thief had more protection than we did. It was very, very frustrating dealing with the insurance company. For years they gladly took our money. Now that we had a claim they made us jump through hoops. Hey, sorry I got sidetracked, where was I?
Alaska. Not yet but soon.
Oh PLEASE.....there is a new debit card designed for recovering addicts. For an initial $9.95 activation fee and $14.95 a month you can be the proud owner of the Next Step debit card. It's the type of card that's pre-loaded
but unlike other cards, the Next Step Card has special controls built in that will cause it to be declined at places dangerous to those trying to kick an alcohol or drug addiction, such as bars, casinos and liquor stores.
To prevent users from circumventing the controls, they also won't be able to receive cash back with purchases or withdraw cash from ATMs. Cardholders can also set up daily transaction limits and text alerts that notify them if the user tries to make a purchase at an unauthorized business.
Psst......Hey buddy, I have this beautiful cashmere sweater, yours for only thirty bucks, OK, how about twenty five? Or, maybe you could use matching clown salt and pepper shakers?
Trying to kick a bad habit, hey I was a smoker once, is very hard. I commend anyone trying to stop drinking or drugs. Once upon a time I smoked Kool cigarettes. I quit in the early 1990's when a pack was around two dollars. In 1994 I started smoking cigars and stopped completely a few years later.
I had a minor surgical procedure that became infected. I was in the hospital for several days. Wanda came to visit me and brought a bag of sugarless (sugarless, I ask you, at least she could have brought the good stuff) candy and said, "Here, you haven't had a smoke in two days. If you come home and start again you can move into the back yard." I stopped smoking.
I used to go out on the patio and light up my cigar. Wanda would tap on the patio door and wave me back, let's face it, the smoke, stinks. Further, further, back more, she would wave. When I was a few millimeters from hitting the back fence she would give me the OK sign. I was fine when the weather was nice but the cold and rain bothered me.
Conservatively, I figure I have saved between eighteen and twenty thousand dollars not buying smoking material. So, where the Hell is it?
My friend Avie sent me a couple of news articles I'm going to share with you.
The first is about a Florida woman who plowed into the back of a pick up truck at 45 MPH. She was distracted while driving. It was not a cell phone call. It was not a cell phone text. She was not eating or putting on make up. She wasn't reading a map, reaching down for a smoke, or changing the radio station. She was, shaving. She wasn't using an electric razor and she wasn't shaving her face. The traffic report claims she was on her way to meet a guy and was doing a bit of bush trimming, with a safety razor.
When the police ran her drivers license and auto plates they discovered she didn't have a valid drivers license. She didn't have insurance and she didn't have a car registration. And the kicker, a few days earlier she had been convicted of a D.U.I. and driving with a suspended license. So, it was off to the Pokey (there it is again) for the lady. She was going to the Pokey, the whoskow, jail, the slammer, but at least she'd be well groomed.
A German couple in their late twenties were desperately trying to conceive a child. After many, many failed attempts they discovered the husband was sterile. The couple approached their friend and next door neighbor who was the father of two beautiful children. I can't even begin to guess how this conversation went, but, between the two couples (the next door neighbor was married) they agreed that a) the next door neighbor would be paid twenty five hundred dollars and b) the next door neighbor would attempt to impregnate the woman (not his wife) three times a week.
So, after one year of trying, "Hey, honey, I do not like this. I'm only doing it for the money" still no growth in the womb. The neighbor man went into the fertility clinic and guess what, he's sterile, is now and always has been. Remember, he has two kids.
Hey Lucy.....you have some 'splainin to do!
Damn, I love it. There is no reason anyone should ever have a bad day. There are so many things to make us laugh. You only need an open mind and a decent attitude.
Our couch, television, fridge, and bathroom are looking better and better.
Wanda may sit on a hand me down recliner and I have duct tape on mine but they're cat friendly and don't cost a nickle. If we're hungry the kitchen is a very short walk, the two bathrooms mean we can both pee at the same time. I don't need to clarify we use different toilets, do I? Our TV has a beautiful Hi-def picture, even better when it's on sports mode and we love watching football.
The cost for us, for a Sunday ball game is, zero, zilch, nada, nothing. OK, I suppose I could figure out what the power is for three hours but I'm not going to.
"Take Me Out To The Ballgame." How true this is, you are going to get took. The average cost for a family of four, this year, to go to and watch an NFL football game is.....$427.42. This is for parking, four hot dogs, a couple of beers, a couple of souvenirs a couple of soda's, and tickets for the game.
So, perhaps you don't need the hats or the t-shirts and the hot dogs and the the soda but do you want to tell the kids no?
Much better, you go to the game. We'll sit on our not so new chairs, watch the Red Zone and save a ton of dough.
Have you seen some of the Raider fans? I especially like the ones that resemble the Lord of the Rings Uruk-hai. Another good reason to stay home.
Please pass the popcorn.
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