Baby it's cold outside.

When you finish reading this, or while you are reading this you might think to yourself, Bullcrap. Honest, as Jack Webb of "Dragnet" used to say, "Just the facts mam." This was how I began my morning and every word is true.

Please take a look at the picture posted today and yesterday. The house is where Paul and Harriet live. Pay strict attention to the garage area, lower level right side. Now, take a look back at the photo from yesterday. This is looking back, down the driveway to the aforementioned house. You can see three garage doors and a pretty long driveway. At this point I need to stop and put up some coffee. I suggest you do the same, or go get something to eat, or go pee. Whatever, I'll meet you all back here in a few minutes, it's currently 11:25AM, Michigan time.

While I am thinking about it:
http://eclipse.gsfc.nasa.gov/eclipse.html

Hey, I'm back, it's now 12:35. I had a slight problem, hope you weren't waiting long.

I have mentioned that Harriet has Vampire hours, she wakes with the setting sun (OK, maybe around noon or one). I get up with the milkmen. For the benefit of the younger readers, once upon a time folks drove trucks filled with milk and assorted dairy products. They would actually deliver these goods right to their customers homes and bill them weekly or monthly. Some customers trusted their milkmen enough to bring the goods right into the home and fill the fridge. Some customers trusted the milkmen enough to bring other things right into the home. There is an old expression, "he looks just like the milkman." I guess you can figure this out.

So, about 6AM I woke up in front of the TV with a W.C. Fields movie, "The Bank Dick" on. Since I have seen it several times I thought a latte was more important. I grabbed a sweatshirt, hat, scarf, gloves, and jacket, went to grab car keys and got ready to brave the 6 degree weather. Harriet left her car keys on the kitchen counter, those I found. My first issue was finding the car. Yesterday morning it was in front of the house, this morning it was not. Before I got too cold I remembered it was in the garage and so I began my adventure.

After going back in the house, navigating the kitchen and pantry area, I got into the double garage. The car was in the far "bay." I got in the car and started looking for a garage door opener (clicker). I looked in all the usual places eventually giving up. Rebecca, the daughter Vampire was still up. I went upstairs and asked her about the clicker, she said, "Should be in the car." I went back downstairs to look, again. There is a small shelf just inside the door to the garage, a clicker was on that shelf. I grabbed it, got into the car once more and clickerd that clicker. The door went up, I started the car, backed outside, and thought I was on my way to the coffee shop.

Last week end it snowed, a lot. The temperature has not been above 25 or so. It's been down in the single digits at night. I was told salt does not melt ice at these cold temperatures. Now is the time to look back at the picture from yesterday. See that long driveway? It's been plowed but is still very slick with many patches of ice. The first thing I did was back up into an area that was NOT plowed. After several frustrating minutes I got some traction, got to the middle of a slope, lost the traction and slide back down. I spent the next 10 minutes driving up, sliding down and sideways, just missing the stone retaining wall a couple of times. Just when I was about to give up I noticed the far, single car garage door, was wide open.

After seven years as an ex smoker Harriet started smoking, again. She talks about the cost (almost 70 bucks a carton) and the health risks. She knows it's a filthy disgusting habit but has turned the far single car garage into the "smoking room." By the way, daughter Vampire, Rebecca is also a smoker. This "smoking room" door should not be open. Eventually I realized the clicker has two buttons, one of them controls the "car" garage, the other, the "smoking room" door. I pushed the button, the "smoking room" door started down, stopped, and went back up. Several attempts later I noticed Paul had stuffed plastic bags in the gaps between the rolling door and the frame. I pulled all those out, tried the clicker again, the door finally closed. One thing out of the way. I still wanted to get up the damn driveway.

This time out I backed up until the rear tires were on dry pavement. I put the car in low drive, didn't use the gas at all and the car slowly crept (crept...that's a funny word, if it is one?) up the grade then all the way down the driveway. I was free, on my way to the coffee shop and it only took about 40 minutes. I got my latte, drove back to the house and stopped in front of the garage door. Now I couldn't find the clicker. After feeling around the jacket pockets I discoverd a little problem.

I think my brother Fred has every article of clothing he purchased since 1965. The jacket I was wearing was probably forty years old. It was a beat up leather, so old, the collar and cuffs were frayed and splitting. Both pocket linings were torn (I hadn't noticed when I grabbed it the other day) the clicker was stuck somewhere in the jacket. I really didn't feel like fishing but had no choice. For this task I thought back to the fun I had threading my hoody and went for it. I took the jacket off, found the clicker and shut the garage door thinking I was done for the day.

Harriet wandered downstairs around noon. I told her all about my morning adventure. While walking toward the garage, "smoking room" we noticed a kitty litter pan needed cleaning. Harriet and Paul have really gone out of their way for me I figured cleaning the box was the least I could do. After doing all the scooping Harriet wanted to see something in the garage and a new bag of litter was out there. She and I grabbed our coffee and out we went. After a few minutes I grabbed the litter, we turned around, and realized, the door from the garage to the house was locked. We had no key. The clicker was in the house. Her cell phone was in the house. My cell phone was in the house. She was in her pj's, I was wearing a t-shirt, we didn't want to go outside and bang on the front door. It was really cold with no guarentee Paul and/or Rebecca would hear us. I always knew those plastic coffee cards would come in handy. Thank you Biggby, I did the old "slip the plastic in the door jamb" trick, opened the door and in the house we went.

Since today is my last day in Michigan I wanted to pick up a few things to take home. Now I'm not so sure I want to venture out.