After all, I'm a cat. In my life, I generally come first however I can make a few concessions. I have learned to live with compromise.
About once a month Chuck lets me take over the blog and it's about time. I think he is getting somewhat stale and a new tone and perspective from me is a much needed shot in the arm.
A shot in the arm.
Now that is a silly thing to say.
O.K. I get it. I understand the symbolism. A shot in the arm is going to invigorate a person, make them feel better, but not really.
Get a vaccine shot of some substance and it will act as a preventative for a disease, like the measles. But, it's not going to make anyone really feel better, is it? It's engineered to help prevent you from feeling awful not make you feel better.
I can't get a shot in the arm. I do not have arms. My Mom thinks I do but I have four legs.
She likes to put me on her lap with what she calls my arms over her shoulder. It makes her feel good so I let her.
Last week we had some workmen here in the house.
Mom and Chuck got brand new things to cover up the big front window. I heard someone call them Plantation Shutters.
Plantation Shutters.....rather a grandiose name.
So they got these things in the kitchen and living room. They look nice and I like them. I have my cat condo, oh and by the way, I'm getting a brand new one to sit on and look out the window at the birdies. I can see through the shutters.
Sparky is terribly upset.
Sparky has spent the last week in the garage sulking or sleeping on their bed with Dakota, and he never does that.
Sparky doesn't like change and I think he is being silly, we're cats. We didn't claw and scratch our way up the evolutionary ladder without adapting to change.
Cats used to be wild, ferocious and fierce predators. Now we don't need to be, we met people and just look how we have tamed and trained them.
Divide...conquer...adapt. This should be the cat mantra.
I have shelter and someone to scratch my belly. I have water and I get fresh food in my dish every morning and afternoon. Before he goes to bed Chuck always checks our dish to make sure it isn't empty in the middle or Sparky wakes Mom to feed us at 3 a.m.
.....and she does it.
The man that brought the new windows had to take the old one completely out of the frame in the bedroom so there was a big opening there. Dakota was sleeping on the bed and the man asked Chuck if the cat would jump outside.
"No, lifting her head off the bed will be enough for her." He said.
Dakota is pushing 86 in people years and she doesn't care or get excited about change. Dakota is enjoying her older years.
I think Mom and Chuck deserve some nice new things and as long as they continue to feed and love me I promise not to complain.
I will not scratch or yak on the new furniture and I will never make them feel guilty for keeping the front window closed.
Sparky is just being a jerk face, selfish, spoiled brat. He walks up to the front window, stares at the shutters, looks at Mom and Chuck and whines. I know cat talk and it's a sigh.
Sparky is trying to make them feel guilty. Is it possible he's Jewish? Or Italian?
He can live in the garage for the rest of his life for all I care. The folks have lots of other windows to look through. They even bought him a brand new window perch. He can find other places to hang out.
At this stage of our relationship I feel I should tell you some things about me. But I don't want to get too personal just yet so these will do for now.
I have a barbed tongue to help me drink water, groom and exfoliate my humans' skin.
Using my superior vestibular apparatus I can right myself when falling, however, I never get more than 3 feet off the ground. I don't like high places.
I sleep about 16 hour a day so I certainly hope you all appreciate the time I'm allocating to this project.
I have vibrissae, or touch receptors on my chin, cheeks, eyebrows and front legs. You know these as whiskers. Unlike you I will never need (or want) to shave, tweeze, hot wax or in any manner remove them from my body. I need them to feel my way around and recognize my surroundings.
Maybe there is something wrong with Sparky's whiskers and that's why he is so upset about all the changes? Mom should take him to the doctor.
I have terrific kidneys. My kidneys filter all the bad stuff out and help retain all the moisture I need. I have ultra concentrated urine; Chuck makes me pee in a box so it is my gift to him.
I have incredible eyes. I can see much better than other animals, especially humans. I can see in low light. I can tell the difference between a live mouse, a dead mouse and a felt mouse stuffed with a cotton ball. So please, if you insist upon waving a stupid thing on a string in front of me at least fill it with some nip and let me have some when I'm done with this charade.
I know what you are doing here with the mouse toy. You say chasing it around is a health benefit for me when I know it's for your amusement.
I smell with my mouth. I won't bore you with all the anatomical nomenclatures and physiological criteria explaining how I do this but my smelling is fantastic so do me a favor, please. No perfume and if I may, a shower more often would be much appreciated.
I was reading, yes I can read. Why should you be surprised at that? I'm writing this aren't I? So I was reading a list of the most popular kitten names for 2014 and noticed Steve is not one of them.
Check these out, for boys:
Oliver
Leo
Charlie
Max
Simba
Tiger
Smokey
Jack
Kitty
For girls:
Bella
Luna
Lucy
Kitty
Elsa
Daisy
Lily
Callie
Lilly
Gracie
Kitty.....
That's rather androgynous and somewhat stupid. Just look, it's on both lists. I sincerely apologize if you happen to have a feline friend or housemate named KITTY but you must know he (or she) is not a pig or a dog. Please, get a little creative. You most assuredly would not want to be called human, person or even homosapian.
Now Charlie I like and can't wait to tell Chuck. He finally made a Top 10 list for something.
Bella....that's the girl from the vampire books and movies.
So bye for now.
I'm Steve the Cat.
I eat, I sleep, I poop in a box.
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