Is a Spring Chicken Better than a Winter One?

Since just after the New Year I've noticed a lack of participation here. I suppose it is fair to say I am concerned with readership since I look at statistics daily. I don't know if they're accurate, how to check if they are, or correct them if not. The numbers have decreased 50% over the last month. 

I know many of you read this every day. I have a pretty good idea who you are and would thank you by name but don't want to leave anyone out.

Google is now selling blog domain names for $12 a year. These are promoted to "customize your blog and increase readership."

Coincidence?

Speaking of names; Karen, Toni and Lynn.

One year ago you three responded to a Facebook pay-it-forward message. In it I said sometime in 2014 I would send you an object. It could have been anything. A Krispy Kreme gift certificate, a lotto ticket or a large velvet Elvis painting. 

I was thinking posters of cute dogs' playing cards would look nice in your living rooms but then I dropped the ball.

Oh, I made excuse after excuse and after many months settled on; this is supposed to be a surprise so it's too late to ask for addresses. Now the year has passed and I did nothing. I owe you all an apology and hope you will accept it.

I was in St. Louis visiting a cousin while watching Super Bowl I. At the time it wasn't really Super Bowl I but that's another story. 

Kitten Bowl II, Puppy Bowl XI and Super Bowl XLIX will all be played this Sunday. 

Next year the Super Bowl will be in San Francisco. The NFL will not name it with the Roman Numeral L but will use the Arabic 50. They say it is more "aesthetically pleasing." This is good news for me since I just can't compute X's, I's and L's into real numbers. In 2017 the NFL will revert to the funny symbols. 

I wonder if they'll use a C for the 100th.

I'm sharing some things sent from Ruth and Avie.

A fleeing Taliban terrorist desperate for water was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack selling ties.

The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot! Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment. I spit on your ties. I need water!”

"Sorry, I have none, just ties, pure silk and only $5."

"Pahh! A curse on your ties! I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you but I must conserve my energy and find water!"

"Okay," said the man. “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me, or that you hate me, threaten my life, and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go In Peace."

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away and went over the hill. Several hours later he crawled back almost dead and gasped, "They won't let me in without a tie!”

You ever notice they're always LITTLE old Jewish men.

American/Japanese Statistics:

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese man will have sex only two or three times a year.

This is very unsettling news to many of my friends as they had no idea they were Japanese.

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

I don't trip over things. I do random gravity checks!

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off!

You know this old age thing is coming at a really bad time!

When I was a child I thought nap time was a punishment. Now, as a grown up, it feels like a mini vacation!

The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights."

My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance level to idiots that needs work.

I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.

Even duct tape can't fix stupid but it can muffle the sound!

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway!

At my age, "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came for.

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.

She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"

Just before the funeral services the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"Ninety six" she replied. "Two years younger than me."

"So you're ninety eight," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, isn't it?"

A reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman asked, "What do you think is the best thing about being 104?"

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down and perspired for an hour.

But by the time I got my leotards on the class was over.

I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the socks I wore in high school.

Don't regret getting old. It's a privilege denied many.