Don't Drink the Water

I forgot to tell you this. 

The hotel in Portland had a standard coffee set-up with two bottles of spring water. I say spring water but it's probably tap water filled from a hose in the rear of a Costco. I assumed the water was for the coffee but you know what they say about assumptions. On the cruise a bottle of water is, depending on size, $2.00 to $3.50. This being a Hilton with $17.50 breakfasts I figured the small water was $5 or $10 a bottle. I didn't see a price tag and was too embarrassed to call and ask the desk so I didn't use them. I went out for coffee. Remember there were two Starbucks a block away.

As soon as I was settled with latte in hand I called and mentioned my water dilemma to Rebecca who said, "Dad, go into the bathroom and turn on the tap marked cold. Portland has really good water and it's free." It seemed like a great solution. I have been drinking bottled water for years at home. It was actually liberating going to the sink and getting cool, clear, water.

Guess I left just in time.

The Portland Water Bureau on Friday urged about 670,000 people in its region to boil water they drink, use to prepare food or make ice, or brush their teeth with after three tests came back positive for E. coli bacteria.

Hope you don't mind if I complain a little. I'm really feeling overwhelmed. I just can't keep up with communications technology.

A few weeks ago I received several calls from auto-dialers. You know the type I'm sure. There's a slight pause when you answer the phone then a prerecorded voice extols the virtues of any number of products.

The last time I tried to register on the do-not-call web site it was shut down. The U.S. Government was closed for a time. I've heard the list doesn't work anyway and I remembered reading something on Xfinity (Comcast) about a free app you can download. It's called Nomorobo and it blocks those annoying calls, so I checked it out.

There is a fourteen step installation process with three different suppliers. I could answer and hang up on several hundred robotic calls in less time than it would take me to sign-up for it.

I just discovered something really cool and easy to use. I can send text messages through Xfinity (Comcast) from any device directly to my television screen.

To: Television
Fm: Chuck

Hi Wanda.....do you want to go out for lunch today?

When I sent the text I was sitting ten feet from Wanda and the television. I could yell, yell? Hell, I could raise my voice slightly and she could hear me from the back of the house.

I don't want or need this but I assume (there I go with my assumptions again) there is a need for this service.

To: Television 
Fm: Rachael

Roger.....I know you're there. Turn off Povich, get dressed and go mow the lawn you lazy bastard.

Here are some news items you may have missed while I was gone.

Nancy Grady, a 60-year-old Washington woman allegedly stabbed a Walmart employee because she didn't like her "vibe."

Grady was having issues with the self-service checkout machine while trying to purchase a set of mani and pedicure tools. Grady is a part time "nail technician" and works out of her home.

A female employee went to help and after several attempts discovered Grady's credit card had been declined. When she was informed of this Grady became upset and began yelling about the CIA collecting nail clippings for DNA identification. Grady then pulled out a cuticle scissors and stabbed the employee in the forearm.

The police were called to the scene where Grady was arrested for assault. The unnamed employee was taken to a local hospital. The wound proved to be superficial and she is fine. "I'm O.K., she said. I'm glad she was a nail lady and not a chef."

A Louisiana man was arrested after he allegedly drove to a Baton Rouge police office to file an accident report while he was drunk.

Patrick Radanour was arrested on suspicion of driving while intoxicated and driving with a suspended license after a trooper at the station smelled alcohol on him and decided to give him a test.

The 31-year-old had called the station to report the accident and troopers told him to come in.
After he performed poorly on field sobriety tests, Radanour admitted that he had been drinking before the accident.

"Please, don't drive to the station, or anywhere else, if you are impaired," police wrote in a press release.

A North Carolina man was arrested after allegedly sitting in a Rock Hill Waffle House with no pants on and striking up a conversation about his genitals.

A police officer reportedly saw Ryan Smallwood sitting in a booth "flipping the bird" while his pants were around his ankles.

The officer told Smallwood, who did have his boxers on, to pull up his pants and he complied. A short while later, the officer heard Smallwood "talking about his privates to two other people sitting at the bar."

"He was saying something like just because my name is Smallwood I got average size privates. I wasn't too interested in talking, my waffle was getting cold."

Smallwood was told he had to leave the restaurant or he would be placed under arrest. After he argued with the officer and failed to leave, he was arrested and charged with public disorderly conduct.

You're an idiot. I told you....it is NOT a smart phone.

IS SO A SMART PHONE!

A Kentucky woman has been charged with criminal attempt to commit murder after she allegedly shot at her brother following an argument about a telephone.

According to the County Sheriff's Office, Pamela Evergood was arguing with her brother when they had a "minor altercation over a telephone."

Following the initial incident, Evergood became upset and went outside to her car to get a gun. The 55-year-old then reportedly came back into the house and shot "in the direction of" her brother, hitting the chair he was sitting in.

The shooting victim did not report any injuries.

Do you think the gene pool is getting a little shallow?

I'll be back on Monday with more news and information.