Tuesday, February 23, 2016

I Can't Remember Where My Happy Place Is

I started writing this blog in 2010. Older Daughter Jennifer set it up. 

At the time I was in Michigan caring for my brother and sending E-mail up dates to family and friends. She thought a blog would be a better way to communicate.

Now I have been splashing information on the Internet for over five years. 

People have asked where I get my ideas and the truth is everywhere. Some are much better than others.

I have no brain filter and may say or write anything, however embarrassing.

But I have a problem.

See, I always keep a binder in the computer desk and ideas are written down. Now I can't read my writing.

Over the week end I got to be Otto the Family Dog.

I've mentioned I'm not driving.

When there is anyplace to go I happily grab my hat. Although lately it has been mostly on my head. I've taken to wearing a wool 'watch cap' in the house when it's under 70 degrees. It keeps me warm and covers my ears. I think I look much younger.

Leaving the house was always a ritual, what with the "Is the heat (or air) off and the alarm set" but now it has become twenty questions. 

Wanda must ask me:

"Do you have your phone, sunglasses?" and the more important "Is your zipper up?"

I go out to the car, climb in the passenger seat and happily stare out the window as we go on our way.

Like I said, "Just call me Otto."

I used to laugh at 'Sit and be Fit.'

Now I can't differentiate dust balls, small bugs, or odd coloration's on the wooden floors.

I've become more relaxed these days. It really used to bother me when clean laundry would come back with an odd sock. Now I am thankful I'm not doing the wash and I truly don't care if I wear a mismatched pair. I mean it's not as if anyone is going to see me.

Speaking of dirty clothes.

We went to Home Depot the other day. 

A bulb went out in a three pendent light fixture in the family room. I said we still had two more so why bother replacing it. Wanda was looking for a new dirty laundry hamper. I said we have an entire floor.

After you put your fruit in those bags at the grocery store squeeze out all the air then remove the excess plastic. You will cut down on weight and are sure to save a few dollars over the years.

She said. "I can't stand looking in the mirror anymore."
He heard. I can't stand listening to the news anymore.

I don't like doing either of them. 

I am not trying to make light about a shooting. I'm very sure we are all sick of them and extremely frustrated. On the morning news yesterday they were talking about the incident in Kalamazoo, Michigan. A neighbor of the shooter said, "He was a quiet man and a good neighbor. The only unusual thing he did is sometimes go outside his backdoor a shoot a gun."

What the Hell, are you freaking kidding me? He went out and shot a gun and no one thought to call someone?

This from my cousin Jane:

She said. "Oh look, they're having a St. Patrick's Day Dinner."
He heard. Oh look, they're having a prepackaged dinner.

Karyn from Brentwood:

She said. "The Year of the Monkey."
He heard. Why am I a monkey?

...and more misheards from me:

On the telephone with Younger Daughter Rebecca:

She said. "He is a Psych Nurse."
He heard. He is a Fake Nurse.

Here at home:

She said. "Do you have them ready?"
He heard. Do you have the money?

I never have the money. I'm Otto the Family Dog. I don't have pockets.

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