Thursday, December 18, 2014

Eddie Finds a Home

Police in Florida said security camera footage shows a man faking a heart attack in a Walmart so his alleged accomplice could steal a Barbie car.

Investigators said the footage shows Genard Dupree, 27, and Tarus Scott, 30, entering the Walmart together and loading up a cart with items including a motorized Power Wheels Barbie car, a Barbie vacation home playset and a Leap Frog tablet.

Police said Dupree can be seen faking a heart attack near the exit to distract workers and fellow customers while Scott pushed the cart full of merchandise out of the store without paying.

The stolen merchandise was valued at a total of $369.

The men met back up in the parking lot and left in a car together, police said.

Dupree and Scott were identified from the footage and arrested on grand theft charges.

Authorities said an aggressive monkey Tased after weeks on the loose had been subsisting on a diet of Kinder chocolates.

Marseille police said the monkey had been the subject of more than a dozen calls to authorities in recent weeks, including one occasion when it "caused bedlam" at an elementary school and "scratched some children," but the primate always managed to flee before officers arrived.

Police said they finally caught up to the monkey and captured it using a Taser.

Investigators said the monkey was apparently abandoned after being kept illegally.

They said the animal had been subsisting on a diet of Kinder chocolates given to it by children.

An investigation has been opened to identify the animal's owner and charges of illegal possession of a wild animal are possible, police said.

The monkey, which was not seriously injured, was turned over to animal protection authorities and will join a zoo's exhibit following a quarantine period.

A California wing of the Humane Society said a "terrible dog" found a new home thanks to an online post listing the reasons people shouldn't adopt him.

The Humane Society Silicone Valley said in a post titled "A Full Disclosure Blog: Three Reasons You Don't Want to Adopt Eddie the Terrible" that the small dog thinks its "Cujo time" whenever he spots another canine, hates sleeping in his crate and is not a fan of children.

"Want your kids to grow up with a full complement of fingers and toes? Not the dog for you," the post read.

"Let's face it: unless you're looking for a dog that's a little bit of work, Eddie The Terrible is not the dog for you. We know, we know. He's super loyal, easy in the house and a lot of fun but he's a little rough around the edges. Actually he's kind of a jerk. But he's a jerk we believe in. We're not expecting you to  want to meet him but if you must, we really can't deter you.

"If you love a challenge, are looking for the dog of a lifetime and think you can handle the thirteen pounds of terror that is Eddie, we won't stop you. You just go ahead and call 1.408.262.2133 ext 150. But don't say we didn't warn you."

The Humane Society said the post, which included photoshopped images of Eddie on famous horror movie posters, was successful in drumming up interest in adoption and Eddie has found a new home with a family experienced in dealing with difficult dogs.

A New Jersey judge reduced bail for a man who has been jailed for four months on a gun possession charge despite having no use of his arms.

Caroline Turner, attorney for Marcus Hubbard, 28, asked Superior Court Judge Timothy Lydon to release her client without bail.

"It shocks the conscience," Turner said at the bail hearing. "How could [he be] held for four months on a gun charge? He cannot move his arms. They are useless to him."

Hubbard was one of four men in a car pulled over for running a red light. Police discovered a gun in the car that had been reported stolen in Alaska as well as a bottle of prescription codeine. None of the men claimed ownership of the items, so all four men were arrested under "constructive possession laws."

"The police reports do seem to confirm this defendant has no use of his hands but I would disagree that that doesn't mean necessarily that he can't be guilty of a crime," Assistant Prosecutor William Fisher said.

Lydon reduced Hubbard's bail from $100,000 to $35,000. Turner, who had sought to have Hubbard released without bail, said she plans to appeal the decision.

Hubbard has previous convictions for drug possession, child endangerment and obstruction. He told the court he lost use of his arms in 2007 and doctors suspect he might suffer from degenerative condition amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig's Disease.

Police in Indiana said workers were sorting through donations at the Goodwill store in Lafayette when they discovered a box contained two velvet pouches containing smaller boxes filled with cremation ashes.

The remains were labeled with names and dates that allowed police to return them to the family. He said the incident is not being investigated as a crime.

It was just an accident.

Goodwill manager Paula Strong said the discovery was the "strangest" thing she has encountered in her time with the store.

Science has finally proven what many women have long speculated to be true: Men really are the more idiotic sex.

A study published in the special Christmas issue of The British Medical Journal evaluated which gender is more likely to take part in idiotic behavior based on 20 years of Darwin Award results.

The annual Darwin Awards are awarded each year to individuals who die while taking part in astoundingly risky and idiotic behavior. The name of the award is based on scientist Charles Darwin, known for positing the notion of "survival of the fittest."

The study found that between 1995 and 2014, 282 nominees were men, while 36 were women. Men accounted for an overwhelming 88.7 percent of Darwin Award nominees.

"This finding is entirely consistent with male idiot theory (MIT) and supports the hypothesis that men are idiots and idiots do stupid things," the study says.

"It is conceivable that the sex difference is attributable to sociobehavioural differences in alcohol use. Anecdotal data support the hypothesis that alcohol makes men feel 'bulletproof' after a few drinks, and it would be naive to rule this out," it continued.

The authors of the study concluded their theory of MIT "deserves further investigation."

"With the festive season upon us, we intend to follow up with observational field studies and an experimental study -- males and females, with and without alcohol -- in a semi-naturalistic Christmas party setting," they wrote.

So there you go, men are more idiotic than women. An entirely valid scientific study says so.

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