COOKIES.....

Sorry to say I have been in a terrible funk for the last few days.

FUNK: This is an interesting word.

I'm going to skip the various grammatical applications of nouns and verbs (transitive and intransitive) because frankly, thinking about all of them makes my brain hurt. 

FUNK: 

a strong offensive smell

to become frightened and shrink back

to be afraid of

a state of paralyzing fear

a depressed state of mind

music that combines elements of rhythm and blues and soul music and that is characterized by a percussive vocal style, static harmonies, and a strong bass line with heavy downbeats

And while I'm on the funk (and funky) let's not forget Casimir Funk the Polish born biochemist or Isaac Kaufmann Funk the American Lutheran minister, editor, lexicographer, publisher, and spelling reformer. Isaac was the co-founder of Funk & Wagnalls Company.

So I'm in a funk that I attribute to the year end holiday blues. I'm once again racked with guilt over having a birthday smack dab in the middle of this busy time of year. Rather than enjoy all the good wishes I received Monday I felt bad for imposing on my friends and family.

Happy Christmas Eve Day to you all.

Once again Wanda and I approach the end of the year with a very open schedule. Her boss, Dennis the Dentist and wife Sheryl are on their annual holiday cruise to and from Hawaii which gives us a lot of time together. 

It's 9:30 a.m.

So far this morning Wanda has walked two miles, done a load of laundry, cleaned two bathrooms, the kitchen, family and living rooms. She's dusted and polished and is now baking Eric's Maple Snap cookies.

With a few changes this is what I wrote last year.

Between now and January 5th Wanda works one day. This means I can close myself in a room and write the blog, or get caught up in her "I'm home and need to do things," mania. 

A friend asked if she was going to paint the house during her off time. I've learned my best option is to go with the flow and stay out of her way. The last place I want to end my year is on a shelf at a Goodwill store. I know if I stand still long enough I'll get tossed out with the donations.

Just in today: Old man with low mileage. All appendages but one in good working order. All offers considered.

Wanda-ism's for accumulated items: If you haven't used it lately but you just can't part with it, put it in a box and come back in six months. If you still haven't used it, get rid of it.

Something comes in the house then something should go out of the house.

Can you use it? Do you love it? Can someone else benefit by its use? What is the worst thing that can happen to you if you give it away? Is it a collectible? If so, is it displayed or shoved in a box somewhere? If it's not out, how important is it?

Think of it this way, the less you have the easier it'll be for your kids when they have to sort through your things.

So I think I'm going to take a vacation from the blog. It's hard to write and lift my legs for the vacuum cleaner every two minutes.

We're going to be spending Christmas with Older Daughter Jennifer, Son-in-Law Eric and Grandson Nick.

Wanda and I have several movies to watch at home, we’re in the middle of a Harry Potter marathon. Last night we watched the 1938 release of A Christmas Carol with Reginald Owen. I prefer the Alastair Sim 1951 version, but that's just me. We may even go out to a theater on Friday.

Here are a few new She said...He heard and lots of old ones you may (or may not) remember.

She said. "The lettuce was $3.19."

He heard the letter was $3.19.

While talking about See's candy:

She said. "It's a box of nuts and chews."

He heard it's a box of nuts and shoes.

She said. "If you follow this link you can get digital coupons."

He heard if you follow this link you can get digital croutons. (very good on digital salads)

She said. "Jennifer and Eric watched Bullet last night." 

He heard two different airports blew it last night.

She said. "Are these all Stanwick movies?"
He heard are these all Spanish movies?

She said. "I use CharityNavigator.com to see where the best charities are."
He heard I use CherryNavigator.com to see where the best cherries are.

When watching the movie West Side Story about Natalie Wood:

She said. "She wasn't Hispanic." (guess it should be Puerto Rican) 

He heard she wasn't a ginger snap.

She said. "Everything on FaceBook is loading slowly."
He heard everything on my face is looking swoll-ly......(like swollen).

She said. "Do you want to get a burrito?" 

He heard do you want to go to Reno?

She said. "Are you going to wear exercise clothes?" 

He heard are you going to wear extra spy clothes?

She said. "Do you have a coca cola?" 

He  heard do you have a crooked colon?

She said. "The first leg is done."

He heard the porch light is on.

She said. "Do you want some of this cash so you're not cashless?"
He heard do you want some of these snacks that aren't Catholic?

She said. "Take them out to the car."
He heard tape them to the bottom of the car.

She said. "A five star restaurant"
He heard an inside restaurant.

She said. "Is this attached?"
He heard is this a cat?

A hunter came in Wanda's office and told her he recently was hunting and "bagged an antelope." She said. "My husband just bagged two cantaloupe, which in my opinion is much more humane."

While taking some things out of the fridge:

She said. "Serving size two olives."

He heard circumcise two olives.

While discussing Thursday evening dinner:

She said. "Tomorrow it's either salad or cereal."

He heard tomorrow we'll take a shower in cereal.

While discussing a new Janet Evanovich book title:

She said. "Take Down Twenty."

He heard Cake Town Honey.

While talking about new construction near her office:

She said. "They were laying tar and the whole building was shaking."
He heard they were playing guitar and the whole building was shaking.

While watching a toothpaste commercial:

He heard, Urine Namel.
She told him it was "Your Enamel."

She said. "Bon voyage."

He heard bottle of oil.

She said. "That happened quickly."

He heard you have a cookie?

She said. "Say hello to the cat."

He heard salmon and a cat.

She said. "Our tax is in from the feds."

He heard our cats are playing on the bed.

While talking about the Oakland A's and baseball standings:

She said. "Are they three back still?"
He heard Redaxtil.

While talking about a Harry Potter movie:

She said. "The Goblet of Fire"
He heard the job of a fireman.

While talking about grumpy people:

She said. "Old Baptist farmers."
He heard old bastard farmers.

...about the new sports season

She said. "It's football season so it's time to pick your teams."
He heard it's football season so it's time to pick your teeth.

...while waiting for a parking spot

She said. "He is getting out of the car."
He heard he is smoking a cigar.

...discussing a meal

She said. "I think I'm going to have soup and stuff."
He heard I think I'm going to have stupid stuff.

...a visit to Juneau, Alaska.

She said. "Remember we'd walked to the wharf and gotten fudge."
He heard remember we'd walked to the wharf and got in fights.

...while driving

She said. "Watch out for that little girl."
He heard watch out for that squirrel.

...while watching the swarming defense of a football team:

She said. "It's like the Hobbits when they were captured by the Orcs."

He heard it's like the Hobbits when they were captured in New York.

She said. "Are you marching?"
He heard are you Martian?

She said. "I'm getting up to put heat on my leg."
He heard I'm getting up to put meat on my leg.

She said. "I brought it out in case you did."
He heard I thought it might have tasted good.

She said. "Counting my coins."

He heard cramps in my colon.

She said. "I'm trying to win coffee for a year."

He heard I'm trying to win caulking for a year.

She said. "Every place we are until 8 to 6."
He heard every place we are until April 6th.

She said. "We have to hear some talking."

He heard We have to make some coffee.

She said. "Golf Pro."

He heard Velcro

This is a very busy time of year. And I know you all have things to do, places to go, and people to see. So between now and January 5th I may, or may not be posting. 

I hope you'll keep up with the blog when I do and when it returns next year.