I'm Sorry I Confused Your Birthdate

I know you're probably as disgruntled as I am with all the holiday commercialism.

Every year Costco sets up Christmas displays earlier and crazies are lining up for Black Friday before Veterans Day. Gone are the days of spending a frenetic Thanksgiving with the family watching football, eating turkey and falling asleep then starting to think about what to buy junior for Christmas the following day.

Wanda and I have two grandchildren, Granddaughter Grace was born July 2014 and Grandson Nicholas November 1995.

The holiday is pretty easy for us; we buy the retailers present to grandparents, gift cards. I mean really, how and what do you buy for a five-month-old girl and a nineteen-year-old boy?

About the only thing I wanted when I was nineteen was sex and I had to get married to get it. And a five month-old should still have a house full of new born presents.

Last Thursday Older Daughter Jennifer and I had some significant errands to run and spent the morning together. 

Fortunately long ago I mastered the art of walking and chewing gum at the same time but I can't say the same of talking and driving with Jenn. Using the neural pathways in my brain to compose and create rational thought for conversation is almost impossible since all my faculties are rather involved attempting to stifle incredibly loud screams. When Wanda and I drive with her I always sit in back with multiple seat belts binding me in place. 

I love my daughters and I trust them with my life. Jennifer is a very good driver....of course, so was Raymond.

This was an unusual situation. The girls and I don't spend a lot of quality alone time together. There's nothing to read into that other than, I think, they're girls. 

After a short time tea parties get boring. 

Remember I was a young father years before Mo'ne Davis.

So trying to formulate a coherent sentence while tearing my eyes away from the speedometer I squawked. "You're celebrating Nick's birthday early. Is it because he is going away this week end?"

At this point we were on our way to Whole Foods, which, by the way, does sell things in pieces. 

I suppose you could argue they themselves are whole but I saw individual chicken thighs, breasts and a multitude of cow parts.

The Grandparents (both complete sets), Jenn, Son-in-Law Eric and Nick were celebrating his birthday with dinner together that evening.

"We're not early, today is his birthday." Jennifer said.

Now who am I to disagree with a child's mother but I could have sworn his birthday was the 15th. "No, she said, it's the 13th. I was there."

At the time I was working in the E.R. at William Beaumont Hospital outside of Detroit but that's another story.

Something was stuck in my brain about the 15th. It was a very significant date. I couldn't get a handle on why it was so important and it was driving me nuts.

We had a delicious meal of pasta, salad, baked Brussels sprouts (the new kale), garlic bread and lemon meringue cup cakes. 

After dinner Nick left for more important functions and we all talked for several hours. It was a nice family evening but I was preoccupied with that nagging thought of November 15th.

I have been eating the FitBit way for six weeks and I've lost about seven pounds. So basically, I'm starving myself. Down to my pre-nursing school weight I feel good but I'm always freaking hungry. 

I'd chew gum as an appetite suppressant but with my recent dental problems it's difficult to keep the wad located in areas with actual teeth, so I drink a lot of water. I've found it works well and I get ample exercise walking back and forth to the bathroom.

When I remember to zip my fly and flush the toilet I stimulate my brain and memory functions and I don't need to log into Lumosity.

I've been trying to mix up lunch selections with various fruits, cheeses, meats and grains but one constant I included is yogurt. I like Chobani Strawberry Simply 100. It's low sugar and 100 calories which makes it very easy to calculate into my 3-400 calorie lunch.

Saturday I decided on a hard boiled egg, six Stacy's chips, two pieces of celery with peanut butter and half an apple when I spotted the expiration date on my last yogurt.

I am not a, "I don't care what the date is," person. 

I don't like using old toilet paper.

I'd had a conversation with the dairy person about how much was out of date the day I bought the yogurt. I was very careful to pick out product that would last a few weeks.

I knew there was something special about November 15th.

It was the day my yogurt expired.

I was about to call Grandson Nicholas to explain how sorry I was about confusing his birthday with the spoilage date of my dairy product. Then I reconsidered. What kind of a terrible grandparent would that make me?

Then yesterday I called Younger Daughter Rebecca. We haven't talked, unless you count texts as talking, in several weeks. She and Husband Tim are both busy working and raising young Grace.

As I said, gift cards are our go-to presents but I thought we should at least ask if Gracie was in dire need of anything. Rebecca told me she didn't want to deprive me and Wanda from shopping for cute little baby things (like that will happen) but she was all set, which makes it easy on everyone.

We talked about work and school and the baby.

I asked her if she or any of her friends thought of me as Creepy Dad on Facebook. I comment when she posts photos of herself, Tim and especially Grace. 

"Dad, I'm 35. All my friends are adults. They all have parents and many of them are grandparents. You can write whatever you want on Facebook." 

Rebecca reminded me she was not a teenager. I'm not sure when that happened but I'll take her word for it.

Then in the midst of our conversation it hit me, Rebecca's birthday is the 15th of September. 

I know. I was there. 

That's it, that's the connection.

Nick, I did not confuse your birth date with yogurt spoilage.

And I'm sorry I told you I thought it was the 15th. I assure you that will never happen again.....I hope.