What's in Your Gullet?

Joey “Jaws” Chestnut dropped to one knee and proposed to his longtime girlfriend before Friday’s annual hot dog eating contest, then packed away 61 franks and buns to hold onto his coveted mustard yellow winner’s belt.

The San Jose, California, resident fell far short of his record last year of 69 dogs and buns, but he still easily beat second-place finisher Matt Stonie, also of San Jose, who downed 56.

“Winning was the only option,” the newly engaged champion said afterward. “I wasn't going to taint today with a loss.”

He wouldn't want to taint the day with a loss on the announcement of his nuptials is very commendable I say with tongue firmly in cheek. I wonder what he does with his tongue? He would need to keep it out of the way at that rate of chew. A bite would be a awful.

I guess it's not a taint on the basis of the Holiday that it's celebrated with overindulgence and waste.

Chestnut took a quick timeout before the annual Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island to make it official with his longtime girlfriend, Neslie Ricasa, who is also a competitive eater.

In the women’s division, defending champion Sonya “Black Widow” Thomas lost her title to Miki Sudo.

Sudo, of Las Vegas, wolfed down 34 franks and buns. Thomas, of Alexandria, Virginia, devoured 27.

Chestnut has won eight times in a row. In 2010, his former rival Takeru Kobayashi refused to sign an exclusive contract with Major League Eating, the food equivalent of the NFL, and was banned from competition.

This year, the Japanese native, nicknamed the Tsunami, competed against five other eaters at a separate event in Manhattan in a quest to down the most hot dogs without buns in 10 minutes. He was victorious in that bun-less eat-off, downing 113 frankfurters, an event spokeswoman said.

Gluttony is the first word that comes to mind, a synonym of it, greed is the second. I detest eating contests and think they are a symbol of some of the very worst decorum society has to offer.

With the exception of Paul Newman eating fifty hard boiled eggs in Cool Hand Luke I've never watched someone stuff food down their gullet. Paul had an hour, Joey Chestnut had ten minutes.

Ten minutes to shove 61 hot dogs (and buns) down the throat and into the digestive system. I shudder to think what his colon is like but I'm sure those well trained eaters have their cleansing tricks. 

"Hey Joe, we're going to need a bigger bucket."

I consider myself an avid sports fan. I enjoy baseball, football even a little golf. I watch NASCAR and Indy races on Memorial Day. I even tuned in to a few minutes of the recent FIFA World Cup. I wasn't interested in soccer but those crazy Brazilian dancers at the opening were something to see. I never knew Major League Eating (the equivalent of the NFL) existed. I must be living under a rock. 

If Competitive Eating contests are sanctioned and become part of the Olympics I promise you, I'll stop watching. On the other hand I once scoffed at the X-Games.

Neslie Ricasa, the soon to be wife of the hot dog king's best event may be dumplings. She ate (and I use the term loosely) 59 in 10 minutes to win the Day-Lee Foods World Gyoza Eating Championship in Los Angeles, California in August 2013. 

Goyza is a pot-sticker or pan-fried dumpling, it is not Yiddish slang.

Hot dogs are not a Neslie special having eaten just 14 in her best outing. But she and future husband together can put away between 70 and 80 so I wouldn't invite them over for dinner. 

The big question around the circuit now is what company will cater the wedding and will it charge by the person or the pound. I hope the happy couple takes it easy at the food troughs. An afternoon of over indulgence could make for a very uncomfortable wedding night.

Not all these contests end in victory and glory.

A hot dog eating contest in western South Dakota turned tragic when a contestant choked to death. Walter Eagle Tail, 47, of Custer, died at a hospital after attempts to save him at the scene failed.

"There was someone doing CPR when we arrived," Sheriff Wheeler said. "He probably just suffocated. It got lodged in his throat and they (paramedics) couldn't get it out.

"It all happened within minutes," the sheriff said.

The Custer Chamber of Commerce, which sponsored the contest, canceled a pie-eating contest scheduled for the following day.

"We are at a loss for words," Chamber Executive Director Dave Ressler said. "We are mourning for Walter and his family right now."

George Shea, chairman of Major League Eating, a competitive eating organization based in New York, said organizers do all they can to prevent casualties during contests.

"We always make sure it's in a controlled environment," Shea said. "We organize the entire thing around safety. (Just as) if it's football or hockey or auto racing, we approach it as a top priority."

"Our people train daily....you should get a load of our grocery bill. We have the best coaches, our doctors graduated tops in their respective classes and every month our participants are checked for various steroids." 

"Here at Major League Eating we have a creed: Competitive Eating Starts with ABS: Always Be Safe. If you're going to stuff your face then do it with grace."

"This death is a terrible, terrible thing but our league had nothing to do with this event. Amateurs should stick to watermelon and pie and leave meat to the professionals."

Funeral arrangements were pending for Eagle Tail, whom friends described as a fun-loving, kind and caring man.

"Walter was just being Walter, having fun when he entered this contest," said Ardis McRae. "He was just having a good time."

Eagle Tail is dead. There's nothing funny about it. He will never again soar to great heights above the food tables of the world. He was however, in the words of his friend, "having a good time."

I've often heard it said "I want to die making love to a woman so I can come and go at the same time." Now that would be having a good time, not choking to death on a hot dog.