Sex, Drunks and Rock & Roll....

Where to begin? 

I have teeth again and that's exciting. At 7 a.m. I went for a mile walk and later this morning I'm going to get a hair cut. And I was complaining my life was dull. Oh, almost forgot this, I haven't watched the last episode of "Game of Thrones" so I have that to look forward to.

A couple of headlines attracted my attention this morning.

What Working Moms Want For Mother's Day. 

They want time, they want extra time. Well, don't we all. They want time with their husbands, time with their kids and time for themselves. I'm not going to get into a long exposition on the generation of dual working parents and why they don't have time for family. It's enough to say, you bought your house now sleep in it.

Look, I know in many families both parents work because they need the duel income. I'm referring to those that put themselves in the position trying to keep up with the Jones'. 

And for those that don't have money issues and are looking for some "look at me....see what I drive" I have a car lease that may be of interest. 

Today only so act fast: A brand new Audi A8 Sedan, $4,694 down, that includes (of course) the acquisition fee then $949 for 36 months. The total expenditure is $38,858. I don't think that's much for something to borrow and give back after three years, do you?

Juice Cleanses and Why They Are Bad for Kids.

Years ago Wanda and I bought an expensive juicer. Years ago minus two we gave it away. 

I was thrilled when we bought the appliance. I was excited and anxious to get to the store and buy copious amounts of fruit and veggies. After a few days I had reservations. Was I drinking pesticides and how in the world could I make beet juice palatable.

I started buying very expensive organic produce. I stopped drinking beet, kale and anything that wasn't tasty (which sort of defeated the purpose of the juicer). I started juicing apples and carrots daily, sometimes several times daily. Once every so often I tossed in a celery stick. After some experimentation I learned to love my juicer. I decided to start a juice only diet, so I did.

After thirty-six hours I needed a butt plug.

Just imagine an entire classroom of kids needing butt plugs. That's why juice cleanses are bad for kids. Kids need food and an occasional candy bar. I said OCCASIONAL.

Today is National Nurse's Day and Monday is International Nurse's Day. I say celebrate them both for the next five days. Since nurses work around the clock 365 days a year and midnight shift workers even work an unpaid hour when the clock turns back in the fall, unless they work the shortened spring day which puts them even but that never happened to me (sorry, went off on a tangent there)...so I'll take a bow and some small amount of thanks and send my gratitude along to all my brother's and sister's in the trenches.

Today is also National Roast Leg of Lamb Day. I have nothing to say about that.

Here are some interesting news stories of the week.

A British woman, who was flying with her parents, is probably feeling pretty low after she was busted for being too loud while joining the mile-high club on an airline flight with a man she just met.

The drunken woman was handcuffed on a flight from London to Las Vegas, after attendants had to break down the restroom door, following complaints about loud sex.

"They went to the bathroom and people could hear loud noises," said a passenger from the plane. “The cabin crew forced the door open. Then she really kicked off, screaming drunken abuse. She kept yelling about this being a Virgin Atlantic flight and that she was a Virgin and over the Atlantic. Eventually she was shackled to her seat.”

Several passengers said they didn't mind the noise. 76-year-old George DeHaven said, "Nope, didn't mind at all. I was sitting two rows from the toilet. It brought back some good memories."

When the plane landed, the woman was hauled off of it by Metro Police. She was let go with a warning. Her name has not been released, because no arrest report was ever filed.

Virgin Atlantic spokeswoman Joan Killgore said the airline doesn’t tolerate disruptive passengers. "The safety and welfare of our passengers and crew is the airline's top priority. There's only one place to have sex on an airliner and that's in the cockpit."

There is no mention of the woman's proud parents.

A Utah couple was arrested when a wedding attendee contacted the cops after seeing the 60-year-old woman and 56-year-old man having sex on the front lawn of Sacred Heart Catholic Church.

A wedding guest “ran into the road” to stop Salt Lake City Police Department Officer Rich Denning as he was driving by in his cruiser.

When Denning approached Sandra Kushman and Wilson Bene on the lawn, he “physically saw the sex act." Denning said the man told him his Viagra kicked in and he didn't want to waste it.

They initially ignored Denning (he noticed her hearing aid on the ground) when he asked them to stop copulating and he had to separate them himself. Denning said, "I'm a volunteer wrestling coach down at Judgement High School so it was easy getting them apart, easy but not very attractive. That picture is going to be burned into my brain for years."

After the incident they were arrested for gross lewdness and public intoxication.

Kushman and Bene were not part of the wedding.

A Florida woman, Helen Grand, was allegedly so drunk that she crashed into a parked car while looking for parking in her own apartment complex.

Officers were called to the scene after someone heard the 36-year-old crash into a car and discovered Grand’s car parked diagonally in a spot.

"At first I saw lots of blood and thought she was hurt but it was ketchup. She was eating a hamburger and had French fries all over her shirt." The arresting officer said.

Grand told officers that she had drunk “too many” vodka and cranberry juices and then blew 0.306 (nearly four times the legal limit of 0.08) on a breathalyzer test.

She was arrested on a DUI and given a citation for horrendous parking.

Grand admitted to police that she made a mistake. "I should have stayed at the bar and ate, it had better burgers."

And with that I'm off to get a haircut, but first....I''ll put in my teeth.