Chinese Food for Thought

I rarely write about politics and world events. I figure if you want that kind of information you don't need me, you have enough resources. I attempt to give you a few minutes of humorous unfiltered entertainment. My daily goal is one thousand words.

The average adult reads two-hundred-fifty words per minute with 70% retention. So it should take you four minutes to read the blog. I don't think that's asking too much of your life. The 30% you choose to forget is entirely up to you.

This is from today's headlines and an example of why I don't regularly write about hard news. This is in part an article that ran in Beijing.

"While the outer layer of Washington's logic indicates an adaptable and far sighted global colossus, the inner layer betrays a sclerotic and myopic superpower trapped by recent history in a confrontational mindset."

"Such a double character is dangerous and unsustainable. The White House should shake off its historical and philosophical shackles and update its Asia policy in line with new realities."

The piece referenced President Obama not visiting China during his tour of Asia. He is going to Japan, South Korea, Malaysia and the Philippines.

Since you're going to forget almost a third of this blog entry (this may be a good part to forget) I'll be as brief as I can here. It seems to me that China feels like a young woman left standing in the door waiting for her prom date.

China is upset Obama is going to visit neighbors they don't get along with, and is subbing them. China referred to this country as sclerotic and myopic.

Sclerotic: becoming rigid and unresponsive; losing the ability to adapt.

Myopic: nearsighted

These words are usually used in medicine but get China's point across perfectly. As with most political news I read I find this article full of rhetoric. Now that more of our news is conveyed through video it may be time for China, as well as all nations, to start writing and thinking in plain English.

Now, if I have to explain my meaning of 'plain English' I suppose I haven't done a great job of exposing my humor to you. Figure it out, that's the homework assignment of the day.

Supermarket Tricks You Still Fall For: Food experts, industry analysts, and store employees share their strategies on how to save money on groceries, stay healthy, and beat the supermarkets at their own game.

We're aware of the role that the senses play in marketing.

When you walk in the door and smell bread baking and chicken roasting those smells get your salivary glands working. When you're salivating, you're an undisciplined shopper.

In "Small Time Crooks" (Andi.....I know) a very funny Woody Allen film, Danny Dole who becomes an advertising executive of the Sunshine Cookie Company explains his reasoning for ads in Hustler and Playboy. 

I'm paraphrasing.

When a guy is looking at a naked woman he starts to salivate, he can't help it. It's like those dogs, you know Pablo's dogs. So he's salivating and he turns the page and sees our delicious cookies. That's going to get him thinking and he'll buy them.

Danny's advertising makes as much sense as supermarket strategy. If you can't go into the store and pass the roasting chickens without salivating I suggest you take cotton balls and shove them up your nose. I have never gone to the store for milk, or fruit, or staples of any kind and come home with a chicken. Maybe I just have exceptionally strong will power or a terrible sense of smell.

"Honey, wipe your chin.....you're salivating again."

It's no accident that shopping carts are getting bigger. We doubled the size of the carts and customers bought 19% more.

I guess 19% is 19% but a more successful increase would be 100%, they did double the size. Just because it's bigger doesn't mean you have to add impulse items. Like my old boss Ed Roberts used to tell me, "You need to be smarter than the box," or in this case the cart.

Our Safeway carts have cup holders. The store also houses a Starbucks. Coincidence, I think not.

The more people buy the more they consume.

If you used to buy (and drink in a week) a six-pack of soda and now buy the standard size, a 12-pack, you'll start drinking 12 cans a week.

Are we that fucking stupid? Do you buy a five pound roast and eat the whole damn thing before slicing some for the freezer? Do you buy two dozen eggs and eat omelets for breakfast every morning? Do you go to Costco once a week? If you answered yes to any of these you should hire a professional shopper.

The average consumer tends to remember the price of only four items.

Milk, bread, bananas and eggs, ninety-five percent of shoppers have no idea what all other items cost and don't know if they're getting a good deal.

I don't know who this study is geared to. I check every price, and expiration date, before I put anything in my shopping cart. They last thing I need is a two dollar apple, and I've seen more than a few in my time. Besides, you don't need to remember the price of anything, that's why they give you a receipt. Don't forget; always check it before you leave the store.

The produce department is in the front of the store because its bright colors put you in a good mood and inspire you to buy more.

Inspirational Fruit

A couple of things to keep in mind here; buying more fruit and vegetables is a good thing (unless it's a $2 apple). And if they think the "bright colors will put me in a good mood and inspire me to buy more", well, I go to the produce section last, not first. I don't care if it is in the front of the store. I wouldn't want to bruise my produce with all those 12-packs of soda.

Over 60% of shoppers off-load products as they check out.

So supermarkets started making checkout lanes narrower, which means less shelf space, which means it's harder to ditch goods at the last minute.

So now the store is saying over half of us are indecisive or too insecure to leave items in the cart. "I know I'll never eat the smoked eel in soybean oil but I was too embarrassed to leave it in the cart."

Or just do what people at my store do; on the way to checkout leave frozen impulse items in the cookie isle.

We let you linger...it's good for business.

This from a former checker: Customers would tell me they "Just came in for eggs" and would have $200 worth of stuff.

And I wondered why they gave away all those free samples. In an effort to promote more lingering my store is going to start showing reruns of "I Dream of Jeanie", "The Golden Girls" and "Friends."

Many stores play music with a rhythm that's much slower that the average heartbeat which makes you spend more time in the store and buy 29% more.

So make (and take) a list and stick to it. Get that heart rate up. Wear headphones and listen to upbeat music. Dance through the store with abandon. Who cares what you look like; it's only grocery shopping, so have fun.

Let the suits turn food shopping into statistics, psychology and economics. You need to eat and with the price of food rising faster than gas you need to shop smart.