Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain

I just thought of the expression, "Ignorance is Bliss." I don't know who first said it or when. I could do a search and find out, but why?

There's a certain peaceful and secure-like feeling that comes with a lack of knowledge. I will never need to worry about anyone saying anything close to "I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you."

There's an even better feeling with not caring. I can't imagine living my life as a conspiracy theorist. If there's anything in life worth a conspiracy, the average Joe will never unlock its secrets 

Princess Diana and Area 51 are in the news. My two cents, leave Diana alone but get some dirt on those pesky little grey men.

Area 51 in Nevada has long been the subject of wild conspiracy theories about extraterrestrials, time travel and alien autopsies, but newly released declassified documents from the CIA finally acknowledge its existence.

Although the report makes no mention of the sensational stories that have played out in pop culture for decades, it turns out that Area 51 was started as a testing site for the government's U-2 spy plane. The report, more than 400 pages, is titled "Central Intelligence Agency and Overhead Reconnaissance: The U-2 and Oxcart Programs, 1954-1974."

The U-2 spy planes were commonly used by the United States during the Cold War in reconnaissance missions around the globe.

Officials and former employees have previously acknowledged in passing the existence of the facility and how it was used for testing U-2 planes, but this is the first time the U.S. government has openly referred to Area 51 and given specifics on its operations. The report also features a map of the area.

You can go to Google (or any other) map site and see Area 51. So the governments admittance there actually is an Area 51 isn't very revealing or exciting to me.

An alien conspiracy theorist was quoted in an article last Friday. "The U.S. is testing the waters to see how mad people will be they lied to us." Her thought is if we're not too mad about Area 51 lies, the government will next admit to space aliens. Her concern is not so much the lies (aliens) but the fact we were lied to. 

I don't care.

If aliens did crash here in 1951 and they're still out there they haven't made their presence known. Unless (like in "Men In Black") Mrs. Taute, my 4th grade English teacher, is one of them.

Years ago my friend Harriet in Michigan (who never calls me or sends e-mails or answers texts these days) sent me a very funny e-mail. Read it out loud. It's supposed to be an exchange between a guest and room service in a foreign hotel.

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

Room Service: "Ow July den?"

Guest: ".....What??"

Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."

Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

Guest: "What?"

Room Service: "An toes July Sahn toes?"

Guest: "I... don't think so."

RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

Guest: "Oh, English muffin! !! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RoomService: "We bodder?"

Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RoomService: "Wad?!?"

Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

RoomService: "Copy?"

Guest: "Excuse me?"

RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??"

Guest: "Whatever you say."

RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."

Guest: "You're welcome"

Funny? The first time I read it I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. Over the week end I had a similar conversation.

Wanda and I have used Tacfones for three years. One day we may switch to 3 or whatever G is current at the time. With free Wi-Fi, Xfinity Hot Spots and a stand alone GPS, we're covered. We each pay $20 for 120 minutes over 90 days of service. We mainly text and unused time rolls over. This fits our needs very well.

Wanda has a Nokia phone, I use a Samsung. I thought having the same phones would make troubleshooting and set up easier. So, staying with Tracfone, last week I ordered two new LG's. The phones arrived Friday. 

Following instructions I charged the battery the obligatory 5 hours. BATTERY FULL PLEASE UNPLUG started flashing after 2 (I'll get back to this). Next I went to the TracFone website to activate my phone. I did everything right, at least twice, clicked submit which would (or should) transfer my number and minutes from the old to the new phone.

YOU NEED A NEW SIM CARD PLEASE CALL CUSTOMER SERVICE

What the hell? I have a new phone WITH a new SIM card and it won't work? So I called customer service.

"Thank you for calling Tracfone, my name is John, how can I help you?" His name was John like mine in Mordecai.

I explained the problem and he agreed, we need a new SIM card. He would be happy to mail one. It would take 3 to 5 days to arrive. John required a lot of information. We were doing OK until he asked if I was using the phone. "Are you using the phone now?" "Yes, I'm using the phone now, I used it several times today." "No, John said, are you using the phone now?" "Oh, I get it. You're asking me if I'm talking to you using the cell phone? No I'm on a land line." That took about 10 minutes to sort out.

I could hear him clacking away on a keyboard somewhere on the other side of the world. He repeated all the info I gave him.

John: "Your name please?"

Me: "Charles Shulak. That's C like Charlie h like Harry a like apple......"

John: "Charles Shulak. That's C like Cola h like hello a like alpha....."

It could have been excruciating but John had different letter conversions which broke up some of the monotony. When I finally received my ten digit "ticket number" (repeated by me once and by John twice) 28 minutes had expired. Now, on to the second phone. 

"John, must we go through this entire process for the second phone which I assume also needs a new SIM card? Can you give me a ticket number and fill in your blanks without me? I really don't want to spend another half hour on the phone with you." "No problem, he assured me. I just need some basic information." I gave him the old phone and serial number and the new phone serial number. I thought we were finished. Then he said, "For identification purposes could I please have your mothers maiden name?"

WHAT? YOU WANT WHAT? I just spent 30 minutes on the phone with this guy. We completed an entire transaction and now he wants my mothers maiden name?

Getting back to the battery. I asked John if the battery is indicated full after 2 hours do I really need to charge it for 5? Of course he said yes. Then I made the mistake of asking him why.

Judo Wan Toes?