Twenty Questions.....

Windows Defender, leave me the Hell alone. I guess it's going to scan this computer whether I want it to or not. By the way, I misspelled whether as wether, which is a a male sheep castrated before sexual maturity. And I thought circumcision was bad.

Breaking a mirror, opening an umbrella inside and putting a hat on a bed are thought to bring bad luck. I sure hope I haven't discovered a new superstition.

Friday morning my loofah unraveled.

Taken in September of 2003, it hangs in hall next to the bathroom door. Me and Wanda on our first cruise, I walk by it a lot. The older I get, the more often I pee. I get as much exercise getting out of my chair and walking to the toilet as I do on the Wii. Yesterday something made me linger in front of that picture. Both me and Wanda had different hair, she was blond and I had more. 

I thank the gods every day for steering me to Tommy T's Comedy Club where I met Wanda in 1987. She and I have a running joke: It's a good thing we have each other because no one else would put up with us. Last night we watched Wallace and Grommet in "The Curse of the Were-Rabbit" and loved it. We've seen it several times but its been awhile.

Pixar animation, Disneyland and Harry Potter are but a few things we enjoy. Politics, reality shows and current news events we both eschew. We enjoy things that make us happy and avoid those that are worrisome. Neither of us spend time on things that don't directly impact us. I don't know (and I care not to think) where I would be if I hadn't gone to Tommy T's 26-years-ago. Our first date was an afternoon movie, "The Princess Bride" and we've been storming the castle ever since.

Thank goodness I will never, ever, ever go on another "date." Here are some tips from Dr. Gilda Cornhiser, Ph.D.

What to ask on a date in your 50's and 60's.

1. It's OK to discuss past relationships.

Ask about good things in failed relationships rather then what went wrong. The first question opens your date to his or her learning potential. Did they have anything positive to bring out of a failed relationship? The second question open the door for a long evening of "poor me" stories.

Keep in mind this doesn't always uncover the best news for relationship growth potential. When Frieda, 56, asked Willie, 60 about a good thing, he said, "I tried to kill her when I was young so I'm out now." 

2. Ask about hobbies and interests.

Are you super active? This is an important question. If you play tennis or ride horses you don't want to spend time with someone who crochets tea cozies and little hats for toilet paper rolls. 

3. Bring up past jobs and responsibilities.

Face it, at 50 or 60 you don't have much time to waste. You may have to make a choice between a business professional and Larry, the guy who pumps out septic tanks. 

4. Politics and religion are important subjects but hold off for now.

It's best to take it slow with these potentially volatile subjects. First, do you even like your date? If you are going to spend more time together you can discuss these later. You will have plenty of opportunities to screw things up before you tackle the tough stuff.

5. Philosophical viewpoints should be shared.

A good question is, "If you were an animal what would you be?" A bear that is slow, plodding and hibernates all winter or a fleeting gazelle? A beautiful butterfly or a dung beetle? 

Getting to know a person in later years is difficult for sure. I think a less formal approach is better and much easier. While the doctor suggests important subjects to discuss I have a few more.

Ask about a favorite item on the early bird special at I.H.O.P. 

Always find out if your date is lactose intolerant. 

Do the "pull my finger" fart thing before the third date.

Always discuss blood pressure, blood sugar and prior heart issues. Exchange a list of all medications and primary doctors numbers.

Ask if your date suffers from erectile dysfunction, if so, does he take anything like Viagra?

It's good to find out about pets. If the lady lives with nineteen cats or the man raises pot belly pigs you may want to cancel the second date.

Any grown children living at home? A 35-year-old son living in the basement may be fine. Ask if he has a job, does his own laundry, or owns an X-box.

Depending on how much you want to know and how important little differences are. Regular or decaf, butter or margarine, corn or olive oil, white or wheat, corn or rye and over or under the toilet paper roll can all be deal breakers. It's better you find out early. After all, how much time do you have?