Susie Homemaker Says:

This morning was my monthly get a prescription doc visit. My doctor is very nice, listens well, and is working with me to hopefully discontinue one of my meds. I do get somewhat disoriented when talking with her, she looks about twenty.

I used to feel old when I noticed cops, sports figures, and doctors all looked young, younger then me that is. I don't feel old anymore, I feel really old. When did this happen I wonder? The world sort of sneaked up on me. 

My volume control icon returned yesterday afternoon. I don't know why. I tried shutting down and restarting the lap top and that didn't work. I'll just assume it had enough of Icon Island.

Get this. Within the last few days I had this random thought, "Gee, it's been a long time since I had to fix one of the toilets." I just walked into the front bathroom and the toilet water was running. I lifted the tank lid and I'll need to repair the flap. When, oh when, am I going to learn? Damn it, I just remembered I was talking about our eighteen year old fridge last night.

In my continuing effort to entertain and enlighten. Here are some household items and staples that can do double duty.

1. Ketchup: Put it on a burger, put it on some fries, put it on a fried egg sandwich but never, never on a hot dog. Smiling Susie says it also removes tarnish and stains from pots and pans. It must be the acidic nature of the tomatoes that works so well on stains. 

2. Aluminum foil: It's safe in the dryer and will replace dryer sheets. Now there's use for the foil that was covering the egg salad.

3. Coffee filters: They're lint free and may well work better than paper towels to clean your windows and mirrors. Susie says they are more expensive than paper towels but in a pinch could save you a trip to the store. You ask me, Susie is a tad off base on this one. You can use a microfiber cloth several times, wash it (maybe with tin foil in the dryer) and use it again, and again.

4. White vinegar: There are lots of 100 uses for vinegar lists around. I love the little volcano thing it does when mixed with baking soda to clear drains. I use it to clean fruit, produce and coffee makers. Until today I didn't know vinegar had so many medicinal properties. It can relieve sunburn, athletes foot, sore throat, hiccups, acne and body odor. These are just weird....body odor? Hiccups?

5. Rubbing alcohol: It removes permanent marker ink if your kid writes on the walls. It will also help sooth the redness-oops, sorry...I forgot, it's 2013. No one spanks kids now.

6. Cat litter: If you drop your cell phone in the sink or toilet. Put it in rice or kitty litter. Have you ever seen wet pee in the cat box? Do not reuse the rice for cooking and always use clean litter.

7. Cinnamon: Is a natural repellent for mice and ants. Dip cotton balls in the stuff and place them in trouble areas. No, you do not need to use Saigon Cinnamon. And, cinnamon toast drives them nuts, especially whole wheat toast.

8. Baking soda: Isn't this already mentioned in the vinegar thing? You can use it in place of toothpaste but not often. It also works as an antacid if you mix 1/2 teaspoon with a few ounces of water. Keep extra toothpaste and antacid in the house. This stuff makes volcanoes, you really don't want it on your teeth or in your stomach.

9. Coffee grounds: They're supposed to eliminate odors in the fridge. Susie says, put in a plastic container, punch holes in the top, and place in the fridge. Coffee is too expensive, use baking soda instead. Coffee is for drinking. 

10. Bread: Break a glass? Bread will easily and safely pick up tiny glass your vacuum missed.

There you have it, ten alternative uses for things you find around the house.

I hate the having too much to use and too little to leave syndrome. Like when your glass is full and there's still some in the container. Or, your bowl is full of cereal and there's a little left in the box. I don't enjoy having to make these decisions. Do I eat or drink more, even if I don't want to? Do I look like a jerk to Wanda and leave an inch in the fridge or cupboard? Or do I toss and waste it? Who needs this added stress?

An old country farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night she was always complaining about something.

The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. 

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again.

Complain, nag, complain, nag - it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head.

Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. 

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. 

The old farmer said, “Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement.”

“And what about the men?” the minister asked.

“They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.”

Thanks to Avie for this joke.