Coincidence Or My Subconscious.....

.....you be the judge. 

Has this happened to you? You read, hear, or see something, usually unfamiliar, and it keeps coming up. I was reading a book last week and the expression whoha was used for a female part. Yesterday while watching "House of Cards" one of the characters said "whoha."

Wanda and I have been watching "West Wing" on Netflix. I noticed "House of Cards" on the select screen last night. Starring Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright the political drama penetrates the shadowy world of greed, sex, and corruption in modern D.C. Sounds pretty good, sex and greed and all. 

As you can see in the first paragraph; written yesterday, I watch "House of Cards", except I don't. The entry should have been "House of Lies. "I watch that on Showtime. To the best of my knowledge I've never seen or heard of "House of Cards." It's interesting....just saying is all.

I have good news and bad news. The good news: the new faucet is finally installed and it looks great. The bad news: it makes the rest of the kitchen look bad....just saying is all. 

On her birthday (Pearl Harbor Day plus 2) Wanda's co-workers
asked what she would like. My ever practical wife said, "Home Depot gift cards." For about a year Wanda's wanted a new faucet with a sprayer. Every time she's brought it up I've given her grief. 

A few of my objections have been the need for a new sink, new counter tops, new cabinets, new floors, new lighting, and a new refrigerator. I said a new faucet would be like putting lipstick on a pig and it's true, all of it. We could use a new kitchen but everything we have works. A new fridge makes sense, ours is 18-years-old. A new one would save energy and PGE has a rebate and buy back plan now in effect. Everything else is cosmetic.

Interesting, today I stopped thinking of the faucet as cosmetic, a band-aid. It does look nice but it's functional and practical. It makes rinsing the dishes easier which saves a little water. I wish I could stop thinking I'll break it or cause a leak every time I use it. Oh, but wait, I didn't install it. A hundred dollars well spent.

Over the years Wanda and I have made choices about money. A cruise to Europe or a new kitchen and family room floor? Hawaii or a garage door opener and living room furniture? Most of our choices have been experiences over things but not always. Several months ago we purchased a new stove. Cookies, cake and banana bars are much better than a week in Bermuda.

Day 4 of daylight savings time and I'm still trying to make up the hour. Yesterday I ate lunch at 1 p.m. I forgot to call Aunt Lee until it was too late back there. I didn't get to sleep until midnight. This morning I dragged my ass out of bed at 6:45.....bitching that it was dark and "really only 5:45." Everything has been an hour late this week.

Wanda and I will be observing twenty four years of marriage this October. A regular reader knows how much we love and respect each other, how well we get along. That's not to say we don't have little arguments on occasion. Last week Wanda told me I often "bark" when I talk and my tone is sometimes harsh. I get that, and she's right. I don't mean anything by it, I'm not even aware I'm doing it.

Everyone can use a little constructive criticism, especially if it will help the relationship. It's important as we reach retirement when a couple spends more time together. If you look at your spouse and dislike the way they're chewing, or drinking, or breathing, it's time for a little education and change.

The most important thing in a good relationship is the feeling of safety that's dependent on whether couples are willing to surrender their negativity. According to an AARP article most partners have a tendency, mild or not, to put each other down. It's as simple as one saying "turn left" and the other arguing it should be right. Or the subtle put down like, "That's a stupid show why do you watch that?"

It's a fact that many arguments happen in the family car. Wanda has been doing all the driving for years. From the passenger seat I always knew a better route, or speed, or lane. And without question, I could find a better parking spot. We have eliminated that issue with a few simple steps. We put a GPS in for directions and I wear a large strip of duct tape over my mouth. 

We never have programming disagreements and this is a one television household. I can watch anything I like all week. It's only fair Wanda controls the remote evenings and week ends. It helps that our taste in entertainment is similar. Having said that, I don't know why she turns away from blood shed on "The Sopranos" but watches "Bones" while we eat dinner.

Another hint for emotional well being is, "be present." This means shutting down your internal movie and voice. It may mean setting an appointment. Even if it's one minute, five minutes, or an hour. Give your undivided attention to your partner. Be engaged with each other.

All good ideas but...a recent sociological study revealed men are losing the ability to stay focused on only one thing. Young men have developed the ability to talk to a woman while staring at her chest. Males can also eat pizza, drink, beer, watch football, text and carry on a conversation that's not disjointed. This new data suggests distraction may be better when asking for consent or agreement. In other words, wait until he's watching the ball game and eating to ask him to fix the leak in the shower.

Are you with the right person? If there is any doubt you need to access two things. Life is always going to be a series of ups and downs. Are you down more than half the time? A lot more than half the time? Have you changed? Have you asked your partner to make changes and you're getting no response? If you answered yes more than twice you may be with the wrong person and you have a big decision to make.

Depending on the age difference, life expectancy, retirement funds, and maximum potential life insurance buyouts it may be time to consult a divorce lawyer. On the other hand, and you want to make this decision quickly before the economy improves much more, you can hire a hit man. The cost of having a person "whacked" has increased 19 percent just in the last few months. Economists have speculated it will continue to rise.

On the verge of retirement is a time when many people begin to access their life. Do not be negative. Do not think of all the things you didn't do, or don't have. Think of all the good times ahead. Senior discounts at Denny's and free coffee at IHOP. Rather than complain the movie is hard to hear be happy you paid half price. Sure, the body starts to fail a little more with each passing year but don't let it bother you. Rather than moping about getting up to pee three times a night, think of it as exercise. Men, don't get depressed if you need to take Viagra, be happy you still have a swallow reflex and can take the pill.

The choices we make determine our road to, or away from happiness.

It's like I told my brother when he had his colostomy and was upset and depressed, "You can think about how lucky you are to be alive. If that's not good enough for you then think about all the money you'll save on toilet paper."