Those That Got.....Get

My brothers were ten and fifteen years older. Irving and Dorothy separated when I was very young so Dorothy raised me alone. That and being almost 40 when I was born she was burnt out while I was still in diapers. I honestly remember hearing my Aunt Lee tell her I was too old to be wearing them. Wanda says it's hard to believe I have such an early memory, but I was six or so at the time.

I'm not complaining, my mother didn't have it easy, or satisfying for that matter. She had been saddled with a husband she didn't love and a child she didn't have the energy to raise. Someone in the family once referred to my childhood growth as, "A weed that was left to struggle for sunlight out of the sidewalk cracks of life." OK, I just made that up but I love it, it's profound. I'm happy with myself, always have been. If things had been different when I was raised, maybe I'd now be a terrible person? 

My mother may have been lacking in some child rearing skills but she was a very good "sniffer." I would often bring a multi colored container of something that once passed for food (she was a terrible cook) stick it under her nose and ask, "Is this still good?" She always knew, or guessed correctly, I think. I did have several bouts of "stomach flu" back in the day.

I'm sure like many other couples our age Wanda and I have a dinner routine. Throughout the work week I do the cooking. On the week ends we split it up. We try to eat well and stick to the same tried and true dishes. Every so often we have a "every man (and woman) for him/her self. Last night was one of those evenings. I had a mixed plate of fruit, cheese, Stacey's Pita Chips and thin lite salami. Wanda had a bowl of fruit, milk, and Cheerios. That sounds better than cold cereal. 

Entertain and enlighten, captivate and educate, the intention of my blog. So, read on and learn. You never know. this knowledge may prove useful.

Foods That Almost Never Expire.

Dried Pasta: You should store this in an airtight container for maximum shelf life. Over time dry pasta will lose it's taste but if you're in a pinch, know it's safe to eat. Always remember, regardless of age,  it's a good idea to soften this before eating. If you dump it in boiling water for several minutes it should taste better. Try covering with a tomato based sauce for a real treat.

100% Pure Maple Syrup: Not 98% not 99% but 100% will last at least one year in a cool pantry or refrigerator. Because of the high sugar level (which is antibacterial) syrup can last almost forever in the freezer. Even if it develops mold, the maple syrup producers suggest boiling it, skimming off the top and putting it in a new container. This is nice to know but you really shouldn't be using maple syrup. You need to watch your weight and your sugar intake. Besides, if you start to jones for pancakes or waffles you sure as Hell won't want to deal with frozen maple syrup.

Soy Sauce: If stored in a cool dry place you can count on using it for 10 years which is about how long a bottle should last. Way too much sodium so buy Soy Sauce Lite.

Hard Liquor: It keeps indefinitely but will lose it's taste over time. What's the point? How long is a bottle of booze going to hang around?

Sugar: In an airtight container it keeps indefinitely, hey just like to vodka.

Spices: Never go bad but will lose some potency. Spices and herbs, if stored correctly will last 2 or 3 years. I remember a bag of herbs I found in the attic that tasted just fine.

Uncooked White Rice, Dried Beans, Pure Vanilla Extract, Instant Coffee, Honey, Salt, Distilled Vinegar, and Cornstarch all last forever if stored correctly.

All this information is good but most of these items have too much sugar or salt. We should replace white with brown rice and should use whole grain pasta. Distilled vinegar is good to mix with baking soda and hot water to clean drains. Booze isn't good for you and who drinks instant coffee? Now that I think about it, this list is pretty useless, so...never mind.

And children are going hungry this morning. 

Aw....sorry you are a loser.

You're accomplished, committed to the work you love. You earn a lot of money. You really want to win the gold statue. But if you don't at least you'll be known as an "Oscar Nominated Actor" and you will get a consolation prize.

An L.A. marketing firm has (for the twelfth year) put together a gift bag for those nominated actors who don't take a statue home. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences gave gift baskets in the past but stopped the practice in 2007 after the IRS started checking. Seems the celebrities were expected to declare the gifts and pay the appropriate taxes on them. There's no mention as to why this gift giving is different.

Among the items in the gift bags, known as swag bags, are trips to Australia, Hawaii and Mexico, personal training sessions, condoms, a bottle of tequila, hand-illustrated tennis shoes, appointments for injectable fillers and 'portion-controlled' dinnerware for those watching their figure. It also includes an under-the-counter water filtration system, acupuncture and aromatherapy sessions, a one-week stay at a fitness and weight-loss retreat, and a one-year membership to London's Heathrow Airport's private VIP service.

Nominees' children also benefit: they get to enroll in professional all-kid circus classes.

The bags are delivered to the losing nominees to their homes directly or through their agents or publicists.

Gosh.....a guy could have a pretty good time. A bottle of tequila a free trip and condoms.

And I thought it was good to be the Duke.