Every so often my mother put a large safety pin on my clothing. It may have been lunch money in a small envelope. It may have been keys to the house. It may have been an important note to the teacher. It may have been many things but it was probably holding up my pants.
I went to Safeway this morning and if I say so myself, I did good, mostly good. Mostly good is not quite all good but it's much better than no good at all. I'm trying to work Miracle Max into the paragraph here, "Have fun storming the castle."
I made my shopping list and checked it twice. I grabbed my sunglasses and my cell phone, set the alarm, and away I thought I was going. Simultaneously, I pulled the front door closed and realized my keys were in the house. My arm said, close the door just as my brain said, your keys are in the house.
Wanda, I thank you for insisting we have a great hidey spot for spare door keys. And Wanda, thank you for telling me about it three times and showing me twice. It's amazing, she knows exactly what I need for maximum information retention.
I really do try. When Wanda is saying something like, "We need to get the oil changed in your car this week end" I hear, ba boom, blah, blah, shhhhhh.....food. It's not my fault my brain is wired that way.
Just another form of abuse us guys get every single day. Not sure if this was an e mail or a Facebook post? Wanda read it to me a few days ago.
It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can lift and hold 6.6 lbs. The length of the penis is three times the length of the thumb. The femur (long leg bone) is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink twice as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. The woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb!
..... and when she finished reading, I was looking at my thumb.
Dumb Blonds aside I can't recall many jokes like this about women. I think all us men should put our collective brains together and see if we can come up with one.
So, I was able to get back into the house, get my keys, reset the alarm and be on my way. I had a $3 off $10 in the produce department on our Just 4 U discount list. I spent $18.70 in the produce department. With all discounts I paid $8.67. Among other items, I bought our first watermelon of the summer and it's seedless.
This is a conundrum. Watermelon are grown from seeds. Seedless watermelon are very popular. Don't you think sooner or later farmers are going to run out of seeds for new melons?
I always disliked having to deal with the seeds and was deathly afraid I would swallow one. Can you imagine walking around with a large watermelon growing in your stomach?
Here is another conundrum. What in the Hell is wrong with The Learning Channel? I think the operative word here is learning. If I didn't know better, if I was from another planet, if I turned on a television for the first time and saw the logo, I would think it was a channel for learning. A channel on television that would TEACH ME SOMETHING.
It's gotten to the point of having too many television channels. So much of the programming is not only watered down but insulting. If you watch any of these, even as a "guilty pleasure," so be it and I'm sorry. If I did, if I were you, I wouldn't tell anyone.
The Animal Planet has run out of dogs and cats and bunny's and horses. Now you can tune in for "Hillbilly Handfishin', note the lack of the g. If the TV show, "Toddlers & Tiaras" on The Learning Channel isn't enough to make you sick you can watch "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" this month.
Last week while channel surfing I happened across a promo for here comes etc etc. (I can't write it again). I saw about 15 seconds before I had to avert my eyes. It obviously made an impression on me. I think it's a "spin off" of the aforementioned "T & T."
The Learning Channel....right!
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