An old joke that's not very nice: Two guys are sitting in a bar. Have you noticed the majority of jokes have guys sitting in a bar? Why not at a little league baseball game or in a movie theater waiting for the film to start?
Two guys are standing in a movie theater lobby when one says, "If I had shot my wife when I first thought about it, I'd be out of prison by now."
This next story promotes the usage of to-go cups from the coffee shop. A seventy year old woman, a professional tennis line judge, crossed the line. Lois Goodman who was in New York for next week's U.S. Open was arrested for the Los Angeles murder of her eighty year old husband. Prosecutors say she beat him to death with a coffee mug in April.
This isn't the best cup of coffee you've ever made was probably the wrong thing to say.
The woman was away from home, often. Her husband was eighty years old. She couldn't have waited it out?
See a penny, pick it up, all day long, you'll have good luck.
Except when you're older and you twist your back bending over for the damn penny. And then you go to the emergency department because you can't straighten up. And you get a couple of prescriptions for muscle relaxers and pain pills that between them cost two hundred dollars. And you are in the "doughnut hole" so Medicare doesn't pay anything. And you get a hospital bill for close to a thousand dollars and Medicare pays 80%. And the pills mask the pain but you can't sleep so you prowl around half the night eating and you gain ten pounds.
See a penny. Let someone else get it. You don't need the aggravation.
The phone rang, it doesn't actually ring, it's more like a tooting horn.
This morning the phone tooted a few times, it was Wanda. She asked me if I knew there was a triple play in last nights Oakland A's game. We talked for a minute about how seldom this happens. Since 1876 there have been 687 or about 5 per year. In the midst of our conversation I said, "I'm dripping" and we closed our conversation.
I hope Wanda realized I just got out of the shower. I'm dripping could have implied several other things.
This morning my Wii-Fit told me I had the body of a 49 year old man, and I need to give it back.
Also this morning..... I noticed a pretty terrible smell in the dishwasher. I mentioned it to Wanda who said, "Why don't you go on line and search how to get rid of a smelly dishwasher?" In a quarter of a second I got just under two hundred thousand suggestions for ridding our kitchen of a smelly dishwasher.
Two hundred thousand. From the easy, leave it open a little when not in use. It's a good thing they added 'when not in use.' I'm not sure that would occur to me. To the difficult, remove all the screens, cleaning arms, hoses, etc. This was basically saying I need to take the entire appliance apart. With all this available assistance it's difficult to plead incompetence to get out of doing handyman things. After looking through a few pages of ideas for smelly dishwashers I had a great idea.
Costco, Best Buy, Sears, and several others have excellent deals on dishwashers. This one has been cleaning our kitchenware since 1993. It doesn't owe us anything. Maybe it's smelly because it's decomposing?
Decomposing is another great word. From the on line dictionary:
to break up into constituent parts by or as if by a chemical process.
And I thought it had to do with George Gershwin when he retired.
Wanda and I have had a compost bin for years.
Tropical Storm Issac, according to weather forecasters, could present a threat to Tampa, Florida and the Republican National Convention. It's been 90 years since a major hurricane made a direct hit on Tampa.
I have good news and I have bad news, what do you want to hear first?
The bad news? OK, Issac may become a hurricane and hit land during the Republican National Convention. Now, the good news. Issac may become a hurricane and hit land during the Republican National Convention.
They need a tropical storm or a hurricane in Tampa like I need a couple more holes in my head. The area is sure to have an over abundance of hot air as is.
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