I'm really hungry, I have nothing to say, and I have all that good TV to watch, why am I sitting here, doing this? It's because it makes me feel like I am in touch with people and I need that. You see, I don't get around much anymore.
On week ends when Wanda is home we run our errands, Usually Friday morning we go grocery shopping. I get so excited waiting to hear Wanda say, "Do you want to go for a ride." Just like the family dog but instead of a leash I grab a jacket. I no longer stick my head out the window as we drive. Once I almost rolled the window up on my neck. I am at a loss right now. The RAV has power windows so I didn't really "roll" it, what do I say? I almost electric-it-ed up? Once I did swallow a bug, I don't want to do that again.
Occasionally I get crazy when out in public. Wanda says it's because I don't deal with "stuff" on a daily basis. Damn near everything bothers me these days. Three people in line ahead of us at the coffee place, I start to fidget. Person at the register takes too long trying to figure change for a dollar, I start to fidget and make sheesh noises. It seems every, and any thing that I deem "stupid" makes me cranky.
There are a couple of things I can count on at the grocery store. There will be something out of stock and I will get in the slowest check out line. The "headlines" of the rag papers are a source of amusement while I wait. "Kristie Alley's Miraculous Weight Loss" or "Kristie Alley's Monumental Weight Gain." "Doctor's Error Doomed Liz" and my favorite, "Cellulite....The Actress' That Hide It, and Where."
I was checking out a few items at a drug store. A friend was with me, we were joking about the Enquirer and Star. I said, a little too loud, "Who in their right mind reads this crap?" I did a slight tilt of the head and a twenty degree turn to see the person behind me with several in her hand. "But, I bet you use yours for the bottom of the birds cage," I said as I moved quickly away.
The other day I was getting fruit and milk at Safeway. The cashier totaled and bagged the goods of the person in front of me who was on the phone. She lifted her right leg, balanced her purse and began to root around inside. She held her phone in her left hand keys in the right as she continued to root. I wanted to scream, "Lady, please, put down the f-ing phone and the keys, put your purse on the counter and get your f-ing money! But, I didn't. I rolled my eyes, bit my tongue and began to fidget.
Is it me? Is it because as Wanda said, I don't deal with this on a daily basis? Maybe I'm going through male menopause. I think it should be referred to as "femaleopause." I remember well, the game of, "who am I today." We used to play it around here some years ago. Hormones were speeding up, slowing down and shaking all around. I was afraid I would say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Things like, Hello or Good Morning. A very appropriate name, men-o-pause. Because, men better pause before saying or doing just about anything.
I am going to try to be more understanding and compassionate the next time I venture out. I will not fidget, eye roll, or make exasperated noise while waiting on line. I will not say or do anything that may call attention to myself or those around me. I will not in any way shape or form embarrass Wanda. However, I will, as is my right, continue to wish I had a ray gun that would zap anyone (unhurt) all the way to North Dakota.
No comments:
Post a Comment