Chuck and Wanda buy a television.

Day five of the cruise log will continue tomorrow.

Four or five years ago on our one and only foray on a Black Friday early morning, we bought a TV. It's kind of an odd but interesting story. We found an ad in the Staples flyer for several things we wanted, needed, and could use. The local store opened at 5AM (if my fading memory serves) so we went down around 4:15. When we arrived there were maybe seventy five people lined up, so, like the adventurers we are, we lined up too.

The weather was mild so the wait was pleasant enough. The people in line were jovial, talking and laughing about being there at that hour. Last Thanksgiving I had to go to Wal Mart early Thanksgiving morning  and talked to a guy who was already in line for the following day. He was going to spend his Thanksgiving and eighteen hours in line for a cheap television. Now I happen to think that's just plain nuts, forty five minutes I can handle.

So, here we are in line at Staples looking at the ads. A memory card, some printer paper and a television then we'll be set. By the way, at that time you could put what I knew about LCD televisions in a thimble. After fifteen minutes in line an employee came out of the store, put some supplies on a table and started down the line. She was asking people what items they wanted and giving them tickets of some sort. The store opened before she got to us.

We're standing in line, still, and people are already coming out of the store. The first few people out had televisions in their cart. The next few people out had televisions in their cart. It looked like everybody coming out had televisions in their carts, and they did. The store sold out of the televisions before we were able to get in the damn door. We decided not to bother with the other things and left for the Home Depot just down the road.

What a surprise, Home Depot had two pallets of LCD TVs. We went there to pick up a couple of tools and some x-mas lights. Wanda and I didn't even consult one another, which is very unusual, we got one of the TVs and went to the check out counter. As I said, we really had no idea what we were buying. All we knew was the thing was a 32" TV and it was flat. At that time it was a pretty good deal, I think around $400.00. That set was made by Element Electronics and has served us well these last few years.

For the last year or so I have been doing research on televisions. When the LCD sets with the LED back lighting came out I was very, very interested. My problem was they wanted lots of money for them. Three years ago we switched out all of our holiday lighting with LED's. We also picked up several LED night lights and flashlights. Our car, a 2008 had LED taillights. My point is, they conserve lots of energy, are very bright, and are very, very colorful. I spent the next year watching prices, waiting for the "right" time to buy, it finally got here.

Last Monday, after all this time, we finally saw a deal we wanted at our local Best Buy. When I was looking I knew I wanted either a Samsung or an LG set. Admittedly, Samsung is the top of the line but for several reasons I kept coming back to the LG. Eventually we decided on the make, and, after at least four trips to the store, we narrowed it down to the model. Now all we needed to decide on was size.

Does size really matter? I guess it depends on what you are talking about. I don't happen to think that the size of a mans feet are important. I also happen to think the size of a mans waist is. (the smaller the better, health wise). I think, after talking to people that had them, LCD's were, the bigger the better, within reason of course. I was amazed that all the research places recommended such close viewing distances. We had about eight feet and decided on a 42" or a 47". I taped some paper together, made a template of a 47" set, with a 42" inside it and taped it on our wall, behind the 32" we watch.

After a few days we made the decision, an LG LCD w/LED back light in a 47". The deal at Best Buy offered this along with a Blue Ray disk player and a $100 dollar gift card for an on line/streaming movie site. We wanted a wireless set up so added a thingy that fits into one of the two USB ports. I have seen this called a boondoggle and I just looked that up: boondoggle is a project that wastes time and money. I like that, it's very appropriate. We made our purchase late Monday morning.

It's astonishing that a TV that big can weigh so little. The fellow at the store loaded it in the car by himself. Wanda and I carried it into the house with no problem at all. In an early post I mentioned the crap my brother has for televisions. One of them is a big Sony Trinitron maybe a 30" set. It must weight two hundred pounds. No wonder he is reluctant to get a new TV.  He would need to pay a moving company to get rid of the thing. Anyhow, we got everything in and set up in under an hour. Two days later I was still screwing around with the "Boondoggle." I said it's an appropriate name.

The television was well beyond our wildest expectations. Right out of the box the picture and sound were just incredible. The first night the Pixar movie, "Up" was on Hi-Def and we watched with our eyes popping and mouths dropping. We have seen this at the theater and probably ten times in various settings, this was amazing. The depth and textures were just a couple of things we noticed for the first time. The detail and color were beautiful. The sound was also spectacular, self adjusting for dialog, I was able to hear everything at lower volume. Later that evening, a favorite of ours, "The Lord of the Rings" The Fellowship was on, we watched that as well, seemingly for the first time. Was I happy, oh, the BCS Championship game was on too. A friend asked if we "got hit with any sideline action" it did seem like we were right there.

Another friend said when they got a big screen she would walk into the living room and get scared by the "big head people." I loved that and shortly knew what she meant.

Everything was just fine, that is, until I tried to set up the wireless boondoggle thingy.

What is supposed to happen is, you stick this thing in a USB port, use the remote to highlight and click on "connect"  follow a few simple prompts and the set connects to your home wireless network. Now you can stream movies, You tube, Yahoo, and lots of other fun things. I need to say here, this is not net content like you have on a computer. If you want to "surf the net" at least to my knowledge you would need the Sony-Google TV. This function was in no way necessary but we had it, it did it, and I wanted it to work.

Over the course of the next eleven hours (off and on all day Monday) I fooled around with that thing. I bet I tried it fifty times. It would connect, then it wouldn't. It would connect then drop the connection. It would find the home network but not the router, or, not the router but the TV would connect with the "boondoggle" thingy. Finally at eleven o'clock, tired and frustrated I shut it down and turned in for the night.

In all of this the most frustrating part was having to enter the home network password each time I attempted the connection. It took me some time to figure out the remote numbering and it's relationship with the screen keyboard. Then I had to put in eleven characters, every friggin' time. Also, if I had to stop the process, or, pause for too long a time I would need to start from the beginning, again. Now I realize I could have changed the password to something like A, or B, maybe even C. I didn't think of that, then. 

Tuesday morning I got up early and went right to the TV. The first time I tried to connect, it did and it worked, perfectly. I don't know why, or what I did, but it worked. Just about an hour later it was still working, ta-da, I was happy. An hour and five minutes later, it wasn't working, it never worked again.

I don't begrudge anyone trying to make a living. I guess I can't blame these places outsourcing their customer service. I don't mean to disrespect anyone here. However, most of the time when I speak to someone in India I want to SCREAM. I have done this before, I know what is going to happen but I STILL do it. I know the odds are not good I will get my problem solved over the phone. I know I am going to need to figure this out myself, some way or other, but still I call.

As for the LG customer service lines I have one positive thing to say, they do answer the phone quickly. I called twice and both times they answered in under three minutes.

"Hello, my name is Connie, how can I help you?" And, "Hello, my name is Mark, how can I help you?" Both Connie, and Mark wanted name, rank, serial numbers, all but the first born. We were on the phone for ten minutes before we started to address the issue. Both these people insisted I do just what I had done fifty two times before. I told them I had done this "fifty two times before" but they had a script to follow, so I did it again, twice. I'm pretty sure they needed me to do it while they were on the phone so they knew I was doing it and it didn't work. Both of these people were utterly and unequivocally useless.

During this process I did call Cisco/Linksys twice. Monday evening, the manufacturer of my current wireless router told me to "buy a new one." I also called there early Tuesday morning and this guy said I should, "buy a new one."

I called Best Buy prior to making the router decision and I was a complete asshole to Cathy, the lady that answered the phone. When we got to the store I profusely apologized. I was just so frustrated and I took it out on her. She helped us with a new router, also just to be safe, she suggested replacing the "boondoggle" thingy.

A side note here, Best Buy folks don't work on commission. It was so nice to pick up something for eighty bucks and be told it was more router than needed. This was a real revaluation in the consumer electronics business.

As soon as we were home I set up the new router. The access point is at our desk top in the "computer room." We had to take the door off the hinges to get the desk in there. The CPU Tower in the "cubby hole" has a huge rats nest of wires and plugs behind it. It was a pain but I did manage to get the old router out, the new one in and wired. Now I needed to do the "set-up."

Tell me this, please. Why can't they put something like this in the set up instructions?

BEFORE you start doing anything, write down the serial number of this item. You will need a flash light and a magnifying glass. You will find it on the back/or bottom of the item, upside down and backwards once you hook it up, so, get it NOW, but they don't do that, do they?

I wired up the router, got the CD Installation disk and the drive door wouldn't open. I was swearing so loud Wanda thought I had a major accident back there. Finally I beat the Hell out of the CPU, smacking the side with the palm of my hand and it opened. Of course, the first time through it wouldn't download the instructions. I turned off the pop up blocker, virus scanner, spam filter, spyware finder, malware looker, and half the programs running, gave it my permission three times until it finally consented to configure the wireless network here at home.

Now we can do all these things we will probably never do and that's OK. We can stream movies from at least two providers. We can watch You Tubes and Picasa pictures, Skype, Yahoo, and maybe one day, He-Haw. We can watch MLB games on the computer OR on the television. We now have the ability to watch movies on the computer or the TV, watch TV on the TV or the computer, listen to the radio on the radio, or the TV, or the computer. We have a camera in the lap top and the notebook, and BOTH cell phones, which also work as telephones. We also have two digital cameras that take pictures, and, movies. We have a DVR, a VCR, a DVD (regular and Blue Ray) an I-Pod, and a dock. A camera dock or two, a desk top, lap top, and notebook. We also have a Wii.

One of these evenings while we still have them, and know how, we'll read a book. Or, maybe while we still can, and remember how, we'll spend an evening talking. To each other.