Steve Speaks

Sparky woke everyone at 3:30 this morning. He was grousing about the food freshness in his bowl. He can be a real jerk.

He came in the bedroom where I was sleeping.

I got up, went in the living room and yaked on the rug. I have a spot under the table where humans don't see it right away.

I do it there or somewhere they will step in barefoot.

This morning I saw this intruder outside. He was wearing blue and he was not alone. I saw three of them. I call them the J-gang. 

I can also look at this. I like the little ones but not so much the Mocking birds. They make fun of me.

I can look at birds every day if Boots stays away.

I really do not like that guy.

I'm Steve the Cat.

I eat, I sleep, I poop in a box.

What the Coffee You Drink Says About You

What Does Your Coffee Say About You? 

Black coffee:
You're an old school purist who keeps things simple. You can be quiet and moody, abrupt and dismissive, set in your ways and resistant to change. You can happily spend all day in the back far corner of Starbucks drinking free refills and muttering obscenities about customers who order fancy drinks. You have a twenty-year-old pair of work boots and an older wool lined jean jacket. You have a complete tool kit, a battery powered drill and a chain saw. You never learned the metric system, don't give a shit and think it is a sissy way to measure. You like to read magazines and have the latest Bass Pro Monthly on the toilet tank lid.

Latte: 
You're a comfort seeker, honest and generous with your time. You go out of your way to help people. You don't always take good care of yourself and get easily overextended. You give money to the 'will work for food' guy on the corner then don't have enough for your coffee. You often volunteer for neighborhood watch meeting and clean-ups. You cried when you heard Hostess was going out of business. You love a good conversation but do it on-line because lots of people have 'Cooties.' You are as complex as the coffee you drink. You use non fat milk because of the sugar content in whole. You still eat Frosted Flakes cereal because you met Tony the Tiger when you were a kid. 

Frozen/blended drinks: 
You try new things and are a trend setter. You're child like, spontaneous and imaginative. You fall for quick fixes, can be reckless and don't always make healthy choices. You were the first person in you social circle to wear underpants on your head in public. You are currently in line for tickets to a Rolling Stones show. Last week you patched a leak with duct tape. You are very good at making shadow puppets and balloon animals. You have a fear of clowns, mimes and women named Gertrude. You have a secret desire to bathe in a tub filled with fried chicken and Hellman's mayo.

Decaf, Soy, or Chai: 
You like being in control and can be obsessive. You're aware of your health. You over focus on the rules and tend to be sensitive. You worry. You always make your partner choose the movie then bitch about it. You would rather drive than take a bus. You shop at Whole Foods and Trader Joe's and use canvas totes. You always drive slightly under the speed limit, make complete stops and give pedestrians the right of way. You own a juicer, eat Brussels sprouts and always order vinaigrette dressing. You get very upset if a driver honks his horn and have never given anyone The Finger, ever.

Instant Coffee: 
You're traditional, laid back, take life as it comes, put things off and are a poor planner. Your truck needs brakes and has for awhile. The mobile home has a slight right tilt but it's OK, you're left handed. You use old holey socks as hand puppets, wear your hat backwards and owe the I.R.S. lots of money. You like dogs over cats, birds over fish, and have a turtle named Boris.

Tea: 
You love travel and bargains but you hate to barter. You are systematic and methodical. You like sports, play a few, and take care of yourself. You tend to hang on to things much too long. You're overly obsessed with the proper formula for dunking cookies in your drink. You have too many sweaters and store them in vacuum bags. Your husband once bought you bridge lessons for an actual bridge. You enjoy BBC programs but didn't watch Benny Hill.

No-fat, no-whip, white chocolate machiatto: 
You are multi layered, complex and a health nut. You have a high colonic the first Tuesday of every month with 31 days. You have a standing massage appointment at the neighborhood spa. You get your nails done twice each month and always change the color. You tip your hair person too much. You like raw carrots and put peanut butter on apples and celery. 

Bottled frappucino: 
You're basically immature. You love to say, "pull my finger" and fart. You have no problem eating Taco Bell at midnight. You are the designated pizza order-er and get anchovies even though no one else likes them. You have seen "Pretty Woman" thirty times and yell "STUPID IDIOT" every time Richard Gear goes back for the hooker. You still use a VCR and know the cassette 8 track audio will make a comeback. You think E-tablets are a waste and smart phones too difficult. You once got a Q-tip stuck so far up your ear you went to the E.R. Most of your friends like Ultimate Fighting but you still watch WWF. You watch X-games for the accidents.

I drink coffee made from K-cups.

Obviously I don't concern myself with money because this stuff is almost as expensive as that coffee made from animal crap. Every day I agonize over the excessive waste I'm putting in a land fill but I'm lazy and this is so easy.

partial repost from 4-4-13

I'm Steve

I have a lot of things to do.

Sleeping and eating are musts for a productive day, not trying to type without opposable thumbs. Hitting this space bar is very hard and I'm going to need a manicure if I do it again. My nails are putting little scratches and pits in the computer keys.

Chuck had a dentist appointment this morning. I am tired of hearing him complain about going. I don't get what the big deal is. At least he has a dentist.

Hey, check this out.

A survey published this year found that over 50% of final year veterinary students do not feel confident either in discussing orodental problems with clients or in performing a detailed examination of the oral cavity of their small animal patients. Once in practice things don't always improve and it seems many vets dread feline dental procedures.

So if you and I are going to have a relationship I should formally introduce myself.

Hi. 

I'm Steve.

I don't know how old I am for sure. 

This was me at the cat hobo village Chuck had in his backyard in 2008.

Back then I lived across the street. Those people called me Sniff and I hated it, what a stupid name. It's not a really a name it's a sound you make when you suck air up your nose. And just between us I think that kid over there sucked more than air up his nose.

Steve is much more sophisticated.

So I kept coming over here and made friends with Chuck who would sit out back and pet me. 

Around Christmas 2009 I got into a fight with a big bully and had an abscess on my cheek. Chuck went over to my house and told the other people I needed to go to a doctor and he would take care of me. I'm glad he did. 

This is me back then.

I have had a lot of friends. 

Jill was first since those people across the street didn't want her anymore either. Then after they had a fire Silvia lived here.

Larry, Carl, Casper and Dakota were here when I came. 

Now I share this house with Sparky who moved in after living in the backyard for a long time.

I'm a pretty lucky cat.

Looking Back Five Years

Last night I saw a commercial for a mouth guard.

"No more snoring." Guaranteed. 

If it doesn't work you can return it and get your money back. 

If you are married or living with someone you can ask them to stay awake and listen. If you live alone, well, then you have a problem. I suppose you could buy a sound activated tape recorder. The company that sells these should have a 'listening' service. 

But, how would you know if they were telling the truth?

I wrote the following while on a cruise.

There was a young lady from France
Who left for her cruise without underpants
At first she was blue
But then thought it through 
and just knew she'd have fun at the dance.

There was a young man name of Fred
who while sun tanning turned horribly red
tho it wasn't the sun that got him overdone
it was the topless deck he thought would be fun

there was an experienced traveler named Rick
on his very first cruise he got sick
each time the ship hit a wave
he would look oh so brave
but he needed a bathroom
and quick

On the cruise was a fellow named Paul
who when walking would bounce off the wall
"It's not what you think
I've had too much to drink"
It's the waves that are twenty feet tall

Wanda and I were watching "American Pickers". The guys were looking through a lot of gasoline and oil advertising signs. The storage facility also had a number of old, really old, gas pumps, one with an 11 cent per gallon price tag. I started thinking about what I thought was "IT" back when I was a kid. I guess I'm going back to 1960?

I don't remember the circumstances but I saw the paycheck of an uncle. Printed on the lower right corner under the signature line was not good for over $250.00. At the time I couldn't imagine earning two hundred fifty dollars a week, let alone more. That seemed like so much money to me. My ultimate then was $250.00 a week in salary, a $5,000.00 car and a $50,000.00 home.

I saw a commercial for a KIA yesterday. It was $30,000.00. 

If the company is going to be selling cars for that much maybe they should come up with a longer name.

At one time small three bedroom one bath homes around here were selling at $450,000. 

It's all relative.

partial repost from 3-24-11