This was a dreadful way to wake up. Maybe dreadful is a tad too strong, how about disappointing? This morning was very disappointing.
We all know the expression that any day you wake up is a good day. Yes, that's certainly true, but some days are better than others.
Last night I fell asleep on the couch, with buds, that's sort of funny, buds. I have called friends, buds, not often, but I have. So, I have buds crammed into my ear canals. I was listening to "Night Beat" a 1940's radio program when I fell asleep. It was a pleasant evening and I left the window open. I woke at 1:15 AM, now slightly chilly. I shut the window and went back to couch. I think I remember pulling a blanket over my head.
I woke to a beautiful morning and a quiet house. I thought Wanda was out on her five mile walk. I tried to decide if I had enough time to exercise, make coffee, and shower before we had to leave for the Farmers Market. It "opens" at 9 AM and we like to get there before the crowd. Not enough time, so I uttered the famous words, "I'll catch up tomorrow." I forgot about the exercise and started to motivate toward the kitchen and the coffee pot. However, something was wrong.
Several years ago our local school district came to the conclusion Wanda and I love children. In order to provide us the opportunity to interact with the lovely little future leaders of tomorrow the jerks put a school bus stop thirty yards from our front door. The little angels line up directly across the street. They litter and walk all over the neighbors property, their voices know no boundary.
I'll not go into the various conversations I have had with the school district. Suffice it to say, they are a bunch of bureaucratic assholes that only see black, or white. Maybe one of these days I'll write about our interactions, or inter-no-actions.
Why were all the kids here on Saturday? Saturday? Oh damn, it isn't Saturday, it must be Friday. That's alright, Wanda is off on Friday. I still need coffee and I'm still not exercising.
We have a dry erase note board in the kitchen. Occasionally we leave notes on it. More often than not it's filled with odd drawings and cryptic hieroglyphics. Monkey Face Man is a favorite along with various shaped hearts and "I love U's." I often wake at odd hours and write quick notes to myself. I usually can't read them in the morning.
This morning the dry erase message board had a web site to check. A note to Wanda, "remember the dime." A reminder for the neighborhood watch meeting this Saturday, which would have been today, if it was Saturday. And a message about a possible place to get fresh fruit and produce. I did not see a note from Wanda. Then hit hit me, like the proverbial ton of bricks.....It's not Saturday, it's not Friday, it's Wednesday.
How could I be so far off? One day is excusable, but three? It's the garbage company, it's their fault. I knew I would get confused when they moved the trash pick up day from Thursday to Wednesday.
Now that I have that day of the week straightened out I can logically plan my morning, and afternoon. The Tigers baseball game is scheduled to start at 1:20 PM today and the other game at 5 PM. That was easy, that's my day.
Speaking of baseball, More and more often I find myself hitting the mute button for the singing of the national anthem. It has nothing to do with what it represents but how it sounds. Aretha Franklin sang her interpretation of the "Star Spangled Banner" to open the game in Detroit last night. I'm sorry, no disrespect.......ha, dis-r-e-s-p-e-c-t, Aretha, get it? She looked pretty good, I didn't hear her.
Every so often I run across something that is so strange, so odd, so wrong, I have a difficult (I was going to say hard) time believing it to be true. I couldn't pass this up. This is an add in the most recent AARP Bulletin.
YOUR IMPOTENCE SOLUTION HAS A NEW DESIGN:
VACURECT.....Our Vacuum Erection Device (VED) is Compact-Lightweight-One Piece Design-Lifetime Warranty-FDA Registered And is:
COVERED BY MEDICARE & MOST PRIVATE INSURANCE
All I can do is shake my head, stop it, the one with the eyes and nose. A VACUUM CLEANER? With a lifetime warranty no less. I don't think Dyson is that long, I said, stop it. What a great example of why health care costs are outrageous, IT'S COVERED BY MEDICARE.
And besides, any fourteen year old boy can tell you, this doesn't work.
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